If you were reading this blog at its beginning stages, you know exactly what I think of my mother's fourth husband. While my mother is a charming, talented, free-spirited, always optimisitic, although slightly wacky person who draws people to her where ever she is, her current husband is not. He is a self-absorbed, pretentious, socially inept, South Beach Diet prostelitizer, and I can't for the life of me see why my mother married him.
While my Christmas with my family (both immediate and extended) was wonderful, certain comments by her husband soured the experience. I present to you but a few:
1. My sister and I bought my mom a set of blue earrings she wanted. My sister, who until recently worked as a buyer for Nordstrom, has exceptional taste, and agonized over the decision on exactly which set of earrings to buy my mom. She called me from her cell phone in the store, describing the earrings to me and asking me which I thought our mother would like better. She made the decision, and when my mom opened them up on Christmas morning, she loved them. The husband then asked to see them. He turned the earrings over and said, "Made in China! Isn't ANYTHING made in the U.S. anymore?" He then asked my mom if she liked those earrings better than the $450 pair they were looking at together earlier (implying that he could afford to buy her MUCH more expensive earrings). Let's just say if looks could kill...
2. Earlier in the month while Christmas shopping for the family, my sister asked my mom what we could buy for her husband. (Let it be known that my sister has a far more magnanimous spirit than I do, because I would have been fine with getting him squat nothing.) My mom sent us a link to a website that sells the tea he drinks, and also the title of a book he wanted. We bought him both the tea and the book. He opens the gifts on Christmas and thanks...my mom. My mom tells him "Oh no, these are from the girls," less the idiot think somehow that the gifts were from my mom and not us. But he understood perfectly. He said, "Well sure, but you picked them out and told them what to buy. So thank you! Great job!." He never once thanked my sister or me.
3. While out to dinner my my grandma a few weeks ago, she mentioned how much she hates her work coffee mug because the lid always comes loose and she ends up spilling coffee on herself. I thought a nice new mug would be a perfect Christmas gift for her, so my sister and I bought her one. She opened hers once we arrived at her house for Christmas dinner, and really loved it. The husband, who happened to be in the room at the time, although sitting quite a distance away from my grandma, charges accross the room, grabs the mug, and tells her, "You know what the problem with this mug is? It has metal strips accross the cup, so you can't microwave it. They do sell ones without the metal strips, you know." But the EFF out!!
My sister and I asked my mom what exactly it is that she sees in him in a rare, just-the-three-of-us lunch the day after Christmas. She didn't say she loved him, or that he treated her well. She didn't say that he has a great sense of humor, or that he has this uncanny way of cheering her up when she's down. She didn't say that he encourages her or makes her feel special. She said that she enjoys their life together and the activities they do together (hiking mountains, jetsetting around the world on his dime (of which he has many), etc.). I believe my mom married him to make her life easier, both financially and socially, and while I love my mom dearly, I simply cannot accept this. He is a total and complete arse, and there is no amount of conveneince and money that could make me overlook these things. If anyone, and I don't care how much money that person has, insulted my family members the way he continually does (despite her "letting him have it" for his indiscretions when they're alone) that person would be out of my life faster than you can say "See ya." And that's the truth.
While my Christmas with my family (both immediate and extended) was wonderful, certain comments by her husband soured the experience. I present to you but a few:
1. My sister and I bought my mom a set of blue earrings she wanted. My sister, who until recently worked as a buyer for Nordstrom, has exceptional taste, and agonized over the decision on exactly which set of earrings to buy my mom. She called me from her cell phone in the store, describing the earrings to me and asking me which I thought our mother would like better. She made the decision, and when my mom opened them up on Christmas morning, she loved them. The husband then asked to see them. He turned the earrings over and said, "Made in China! Isn't ANYTHING made in the U.S. anymore?" He then asked my mom if she liked those earrings better than the $450 pair they were looking at together earlier (implying that he could afford to buy her MUCH more expensive earrings). Let's just say if looks could kill...
2. Earlier in the month while Christmas shopping for the family, my sister asked my mom what we could buy for her husband. (Let it be known that my sister has a far more magnanimous spirit than I do, because I would have been fine with getting him squat nothing.) My mom sent us a link to a website that sells the tea he drinks, and also the title of a book he wanted. We bought him both the tea and the book. He opens the gifts on Christmas and thanks...my mom. My mom tells him "Oh no, these are from the girls," less the idiot think somehow that the gifts were from my mom and not us. But he understood perfectly. He said, "Well sure, but you picked them out and told them what to buy. So thank you! Great job!." He never once thanked my sister or me.
3. While out to dinner my my grandma a few weeks ago, she mentioned how much she hates her work coffee mug because the lid always comes loose and she ends up spilling coffee on herself. I thought a nice new mug would be a perfect Christmas gift for her, so my sister and I bought her one. She opened hers once we arrived at her house for Christmas dinner, and really loved it. The husband, who happened to be in the room at the time, although sitting quite a distance away from my grandma, charges accross the room, grabs the mug, and tells her, "You know what the problem with this mug is? It has metal strips accross the cup, so you can't microwave it. They do sell ones without the metal strips, you know." But the EFF out!!
My sister and I asked my mom what exactly it is that she sees in him in a rare, just-the-three-of-us lunch the day after Christmas. She didn't say she loved him, or that he treated her well. She didn't say that he has a great sense of humor, or that he has this uncanny way of cheering her up when she's down. She didn't say that he encourages her or makes her feel special. She said that she enjoys their life together and the activities they do together (hiking mountains, jetsetting around the world on his dime (of which he has many), etc.). I believe my mom married him to make her life easier, both financially and socially, and while I love my mom dearly, I simply cannot accept this. He is a total and complete arse, and there is no amount of conveneince and money that could make me overlook these things. If anyone, and I don't care how much money that person has, insulted my family members the way he continually does (despite her "letting him have it" for his indiscretions when they're alone) that person would be out of my life faster than you can say "See ya." And that's the truth.
Yipes. I say we take him and pack him up with my roommates and ship them all off to a deserted island around Anarctica. ;)
Your post is dead-on and the hair rose on my neck as I had an in-law call me nuts for being in broadcasting and journalism. What I saw in #1 of your post about this jerk is that those people who seek to tear down others generally are very INSECURE. Mom may have married to avoid loneliness. When I lost a best buddy to Cancer, we all banded together to protect his finacee'. But we couldn't protect her from getting married 7 months after I buried my friend. I too asked her why? She said, "I don't like being alone". Be patient with your Mom and try to marginalize this guy. The earings sound INCREDIBLE! Great tastesm you guys! Happy New Year from Me to you!
Sounds like he knows you guys are onto him, Kristi. Good. Glad you & your sis got some alone time with mom...
Is she going to be thrilled to be a grandma or what??!!
What a loser he is. A hope the situation resolves itself somehow.
Kristi, I just happened on your blog through the BofBlog awards site - i just read your words and felt like I had to comment - I went through IVF in January of 2003 and my son was born in October. It is a wholly humbling, crazy experience but rewarding..we tried for over 2 years to have a baby with no success...just wanted you to know i am in your corner and have been where you are! Good luck!
Christine-That's the best idea I've heard all year!
Michael-I think you're on to something. I think he's incredibly insecure and his comments make this obvious. And my mom probably did, as your friend's fiancee did, marry to avoid lonliness. That would be slightly more palatable for me, though, if she hadn't married such a moron. Happy New Year to you as well!
Marie-It was nice to be alone with my mom and sister. It rarely happens, but that's a whole other story. As for the grandma thing, that's an interesting topic of discussion between Rich and me. And a future blog post as well. My mom leads a very jet-setting, vacation filled life right now, and we're wondering how she's going to adapt that (or not adapt) to coming home to visit a potential grandchild.
Alisha-LOL. I needed that laugh! Bring on the attack advice! :)
I'm glad #5 is the best of the bunch for your mom. I happen to think #2 was the best of the bunch for my mom, but that was decades ago. I'm just glad they don't live near me and I don't have to see him all that often.
Barbarra-Thanks for visiting! I'm hoping my mom eventually comes to the realization that he's a jerk and moves on. I don't, however, believe this is going to happen.
Wendy-Thanks for visiting and for your words of encouragement. IVF is an incredible thing, isn't it? We both went through 2 years of struggle and now you have a beautiful son. I hope I am as lucky.
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"on his dime.."
People who marry for money earn every single penny.
Paul
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