My Christmas with a Secret

My sister just left to spend her final night in town at my great aunt's house. My great aunt and uncle will take her to the airport at 5am tomorrow. My mom and her loathsome husband are leaving to return to the Adirondacks tomorrow, and except for New Year's Day dinner, the nightly family feeding fests at my grandma's are over. I had a wonderful Christmas for a reason no one knew about.

I ended up not telling my sister for a few reasons. First, it's still so early. Today, I am 5w3d (5 weeks, 3 days). Other than my friends who know, I don't want to share the news with anyone else at this point. Second, while she did make comments about "baby cuteness" of holiday-clad infants at Christmas Eve mass, and her seeming acceptance of a friend's recently announced pregnancy, she also still made several comments about not liking kids, etc. And as I said before, I didn't want to break the news to my first family member and have her not be happy for me. So, she'll find out long-distance somehow, when the time comes. There were times when I really wanted to tell her. I love my sister so much, and I wanted to share my elation at this miracle. But in the end, I just couldn't.

In baby news (I still can't believe I get to type these words!), I had my third HCG beta bloodtest today. If you'll remember, class, the beta number should double every two-three days. My last beta number was 786 last Wednesday. Today, it was 6,256! So my number increased very well, and exactly as it should have. The best news is that my doctor is so satisfied with my numbers that I'm done with having to get HCG bloodtests. Instead, I have my first ultrasound appointment on Monday, January 9th. The nurse I spoke with said that based on my numbers, her guess is that there's one bambino in there, although she also said to "be prepared for anything" because they've often been surprised at initial ultrasounds to find more than one, where it was thought there would only be one.

And other than a definite feeling of "something" going on in my belly, some body parts that are sore and others that feel bloated, and complete and total exhaustion that sets in around 6pm each night, I have nothing in the way of full-on pregnancy symptoms. No nausea or any of the other unpleasantries I've read about. But if I do start to feel sick, I will relish every second of it. I waited for so long, and tried so hard to have this chance that I refuse to complain.

Tomorrow I'm heading to the bookstore to find some reading material on how to prepare my body for this baby. It's funny-I know so much about infertility, drugs, procedures, tests, and options. I know nothing, not one thing, about what it means to be pregnant. I truly never believed I'd get past the hurdle of infertility. I don't know what I should be eating (or not eating), what kind of activity I should or shouldn't be doing. I have no idea how I should be taking care of myself and this little life growing inside me. I'm a bookworm by nature, so I'm sure I'll find a wealth of material to pour over. But if you've had a child and have any words of advice for things I should be eating (especially) or doing or not doing, please share them! I want to give this baby a healthy fighting chance to make it (I'm still so scared of losing him or her). And the more information I have, the better I'll feel.

Stay tuned for more Christmas stories in the coming days. I hope your holidays with your families were fantastic!

11 Responses to “My Christmas with a Secret”

  1. # Anonymous Clare Eats

    I am glad that it all worked out so well. You definatley don't need any extra stress!

    Both of our CM's are going well so I am overjoyed YAY!  

  2. # Blogger Kross-Eyed Kitty

    Wow! Things are looking SO good! What an excellent, excellent Christmas gift you and hubby have received! glad that you had a nice visit with your sister, and when the time is right, you'll know when to tell her that she's going to be an Auntie!  

  3. # Anonymous Stephanie

    I am normally a lurker, and I have been following your progress. I had to finally comment and congratulate you! I have experienced a m/c, I have a 1-year-old, and am currently 11 weeks pregnant. I don't want to give you any unsolicited advice, but I feel like I have to tell you to stay away from "What to Expect..." I read it with my first pg and I worried myself to death! It is so negative and seems to only focus on what could go wrong. I recommend "Pregnancy,Childbirth, and your Newborn," (Simkins) and the Mayo Clinic's pregnancy book - it's huge and a great reference book.

    Sorry so long! I look forward to following your adventure  

  4. # Blogger Alisha

    Holy Crap-6,256!!! That is awesome!

    Sounds like the holdidays went well. I am in your camp, and if you didn't feel the time was right, then it wasn't and that's alright.

    Oh how I wish I had advice to offer. I am actually more excited to be here as you go through this and know that I will learn from you for my hopefully-not-too-long-from-now own babymaking!  

  5. # Blogger Marie

    This is wonderful Kristi!

    I remember feeling bloated & tired at the beginning of my pregnancy too.

    I have a huge pile of books and you're welcome to borrow any/all of them Kristi! "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" by Curtis & Schuler was the one I looked at most. It seemed like kind of a "just the facts" book - with small digestible chunks for each week; I remember thinking that it was helpful without being overwhelming. I looked at What to Expect too, though it can be overwhelming. I did think that one was good for nutritional info.

    You'll probably find that certain foods just really appeal to you -- for me it was baked potatoes early on, then egg salad sandwiches & roasted chicken. Time for hubby to wait on you & get you whatever you want!! ;-)

    This is so exciting, Kristi!!!  

  6. # Blogger Dawn

    What good news, I am so happy for you - and excited to see if they can tell if there is one or more in there! I think that everyone has a different view on all of the baby books out there. I suggest that you go to your library or local bookstore and skim through a few. I personally liked the "what to expect" books, but obviously, they won't be for everyone. I think that the layouts are different from each, so find one that looks right to you.

    For food, eat stuff you know is healthy for you anyway, but I think it's also important to eat what you crave. Having those cravings is usually a sign that you NEED those foods. I craved beef in a big way, and I am not a huge meat eater. However, I ate plenty of steak and hamburger that year! I also used prescription prenatal vitamins and 2 of those huge Oscal calcium pills every day. If you do get morning sickness, I can only tell you that mine was helped a little by not letting myself get hungry. If I got hungry, it became overwhelming. And mine didn't start until I was about 1 month into the pregnancy, so you may see a little of that yet!

    I also remember being told to maintain whatever level of exercise you currently have (as long as it's not TOO vigorous). As I got further along, it seemed the only things that I could really do comfortably was walk or swim.  

  7. # Blogger Amy

    WONDERFUL news on the levels, Kristi! I can understand why you didn't tell your sister but I have to say, I've known lots of people who *hated* children and then became the best aunts and uncles ever! I bet your sister will be the same. But I think telling a family member you KNOW will have a good reaction is a great idea.

    The best advice I can give you is SLEEP when you can, where you can, LOL. Your body needs it and (as I'm sure you know) you're going to be done with regular sleep for the next 18 years once the little one comes. :) Plus, as a friend of mine put it when she was pg w/her third, *I need the sleep! I'm growing toes right now!*

    As for your eating question, it pretty much goes how you'd expect. Drink lots of milk and water and OJ, eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies and make sure to get adequate protein. Stay away from too much seafood b/c of the mercury.

    I'm no expert, but feel free to email me any questions I might be able to answer.  

  8. # Blogger D

    Great numbers! Glad that you are moving on to the ultrasound. You and I have our first ultrasounds on the same day - which happens to be my B-day!

    You are amazing to have kept your secret. I can keep other peoples secrets, but not my own.

    I can totally relate to knowing everything that there is to getting pregnant and nothing about what to do once you actually get there - I am definitely in the same boat and headed to the book store to enlighten myself!  

  9. # Blogger Kristi

    Clare-I definitely had a great and relatively stress-free Christmas. And I'm so glad yours was too.

    Ramona-She's going to flip her lid when I tell her, but I think it's all in the timing. If I can tell her at the same time I tell other family members, I think I'll feel better about the whole thing.

    Stephanie-Thanks for visiting, and feel free to comment anytime. I'm definitely in need of advice from "been there, done that" moms. And thanks for the book recommendations. I will check both of them out.

    Alisha-I'm happy to have you along for the ride, and for your sake, I hope your own babymaking journey is wonderfully short.

    Marie-Thank you! I think I am ready to take you up on your book borrowing offer. I wasn't quite ready before, but now that I have had three good HCGs, I feel a bit less sressed about things. And you're right, all the infomation is so overwhelming. It's hard to know what's real and what's hype.

    Dawn-Thanks for all the advice. I ate pretty healthy (with the limited number of foods I did eat) prior to getting pregnant, but I know I need to eat more vegetables and more whole grains. So I bought some whole wheat bread tonight. I think my husband would keel over dead if I started to crave meat. I haven't eaten beef or pork in over 12 years (I do eat chicken and turkey though). As for the exercise, I read the same things as you have. But I ran 30 miles a week prior to starting the injectible fertility meds, and I'm too scared to run now, so I've been walking instead.

    Amy-Yes, I am so looking forward to telling my grandma and my great aunt the most,since I know they'll be so excited. And thanks for the offer to email you with questions. I'll probably take you up on that!

    D-congratulations once again! And that's very cool that we have our ultrasounds on the same day, and your day, of course, will be extra special. What a great birthday present. I'm looking forward to discovering all there is to know about the great outcome of our IVFs together.  

  10. # Blogger Christine

    Kristi! So exciting! However, for advice I'm just going to say follow Marie's with having the Hubby be your waiter.

    Oh and also your personal masseuse! Bloating and being achy are no fun.  

  11. # Blogger Marie

    OK! Call or e-mail me Kristi & we'll arrange a time to get together for the passing of the books! ;-)  

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    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

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