My Mother's Husband

My mom is a lovely woman. Since my parents divorced when I was two, she raised my sister and I primarily alone, although we did (and still do) have a good relationship with our father. She made enormous sacrifices for us, and we always felt loved and important. She took us to museums to provide us with an appreciation for art. She took us to nice restaurants to give us a love of good food (which apparently, I somehow lost somewhere along the way). She read to us constantly and taught both of us to read at a very early age (according to my mom, and this ancient audio reel tape of me reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas," I was reading at age two and a half). So before I go further, you must realize that I love my mom. I really do. But she has horrible, horrible taste in men. You see, she's a serial marrier. She has been married four times.

Her current husband is the worst of the four. They married about a year and a half ago. I lothe him. He says the most inappropriate, rude, and condescending things to my family members. He lacks the filter that most adults have, separating the things they think from the things that actually come out of their mouths. Either that, or he just doesn't care what he says or how what he says will be interpreted by those he speaks the words to. He will talk at you for hours on end, not caring about your interest level in the things he says, or pausing to let you respond to his comments. He doesn't carry on conversations with people in an exchange of dialogue. He holds court, and considers you lucky to be in his audience. He is also a domineering control-freak and a complete alpha-male in the way he treats and talks to my mom.

The first time I ever met him, my great aunt and uncle, my husband and I, and my mom and #4 went out to breakfast. This was his first introduction to any of my mom's family members. My very generous uncle paid for breakfast. #4 never said thank you. Here are some examples of his obnoxious behavior:

1. Shortly after meeting my wonderful, loving Italian grandma for the first time, he tells her "Your car is a mafia car."

2. Arriving at my house one weekend for a two-day-but-still-way-too-long-for-me visit (they live out of town), #4 entered my house. My mom was still unpacking the car. He pointed his keychain car alarm at their car and set off the alarm, causing my mom to jump a mile. He said to me, "I like to keep your mom on her toes."

3. During Mother's Day brunch at my house this year, I presented my great aunt with a jacket my sister and I had bought her as her gift. It was a wee bit tight across her middle. #4 says to my aunt, "If you lost some weight, that jacket would fit better."

4. My grandma, great aunt, great uncle, mother, and #4 went out to breakfast. My mother and uncle, both small people, sat on one side of the booth. My great aunt and grandma, both normal-sized women with a few extra pounds on them, sat on the other. #4 was the last to choose where he would sit. He announces to the table of my family members, "I think I'll sit on the thin side!"

These are but a few examples of the essence of #4. They will be coming to visit in another few weeks. I am thinking of leaving town.

10 Responses to “My Mother's Husband”

  1. # Blogger The Toothfairy

    Sounds like he'd get on with my fianceé's friends girlfriend!! Sublety isn't her strong point either!  

  2. # Blogger Pieces of Me

    Sounds like a real jerk! Have you talked to your mom to see if she is happy? That is too bad that he would actually say those kinds of things! sorry that you and your whole family has to deal with him! I cant believe your mom married him knowing he was like that! I would get out of town too! Hope things get better soon...Here from Michele's TTYL  

  3. # Blogger Caryl

    Ugg! I have a friend just like this. I feel sorry for her; she is not married and is always complaining about being alone. She is very opinionated and has absolutely no tact whatsoever. However, now I know why she is traveling life’s road alone – she is absolutely obnoxious and I can’t stand to be around her for more than a few hours. In fact, I’m making excuses for us not to get together. I suspect I’m not the only one – she never has any plans. She is a member of several groups – church, singles over 40, etc. I don’t believe she even knows she is being obnoxious. I wonder if #4 knows he gets on everyone’s nerves. People like that never seem to know their true effect on people.

    When you figure out how to handle #4, please let me know. I’ll try whatever you suggest with my friend.


  4. # Blogger PractiGal

    The more I hear about him, the more I want to haul off and punch him. Hard. Where it counts. Now.

    Have you considered giving him a copy of Etiquette and Common Sense for Dummies for his next birthday?  

  5. # Blogger Amy

    Oh my goodness....have they somehow cloned my mom's boyfriend?!? There are TWO of them?!?! The world is a scary, scary place.  

  6. # Blogger Mrs. Fun

    I'll hold him down and you slap some manners into this guy.
    hello michelle sent me :)  

  7. # Blogger Mixed Metaphor

    He sounds horrible! Horrible!
    Maybe you should take/send him camping?
    Have a great weekend, Abee.  

  8. # Blogger Kristi

    Temporal Toothfairy-I'm all for matching them up!

    Diana-I have talked to my mom many, many times about him. She claims she's happy. I'm not so sure.

    Caryl-yeah, it's weird. #4 (and your friend, it sounds like) are either the people most laking in self-awareness ever, or they just don't care enough to listen to what they're actually saying. I have no tips for you, because nothing I've done has worked so far.

    Practigal-what an excellent suggestion. I think I shall send it to him anonymously!

    Amy- I'm so sorry there's more than one of #4 walking the earth. Perhaps there's an island especially reserved for mother's awful husbands or boyfriends that we could ship them off it?

    Misti and Abee-those are two of the best suggestions I've ever heard about how to deal with #4. You both made me LOL. :)  

  9. # Anonymous Cara

    Maybe you should forward him this post!!!! (Or at least send it to your mother) What a Jackass- I vote for leaving town!! I found you through BeautyJoyFodd! Great site!  

  10. # Blogger Kristi

    Cara-thanks for stopping by! I would love to show my mom this post, but she wouldn't get it at all, unfortunately.  

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