Before I go any further with this post, I must say that I love my sister dearly. We are 17 months apart. She and I are very close. She probably knows me better than anyone else in the world. We have lots in common (although you'll soon realize, not all things). She is generous and witty, very smart, and a total fashionista. She taught me how to dress myself after I spent the first 29 years of my life just throwing on whatever happened to be in plain view. She lives in Seattle, 3,000 miles away. We only get to see eachother a few times a year, which sucks. My sister is an amazing person. However, my recent news puts me in a bit of a bind. My sister, just like the rest of my family members, didn't even know we've been trying to have a baby for the past two years. They don't know I'm pregnant, and we don't plan on telling them for quite some time. But my husband thinks I should tell my sister while she's here, since I won't get the chance to tell her in person. She's arriving on Thursday night, and staying with me through next Tuesday. Only a small part of me wants to tell her. A large part of me does not. Why, you ask?
Well, my sister hates kids.
I guess "hate" is a strong word. She doesn't want kids of her own. When she sees a baby or small child crying or misbehaving in public, she gets visably annoyed. She makes comments about obnoxious child behavior. She resents having to pick up the slack at work for co-workers who skip out early to attend their children's school events (can't say I blame her for that one). She doesn't want to attend Christmas mass because she doesn't want to be trapped in a room of squirming children. Essentially, she's not a kid person. And she makes this abundantly obvious and clear to all who know her.
And I'm worried about her reaction to my news. I can barely type the words "pregnant" or say them inside my head without getting nervous and worried. After all, I am only 4 weeks along (or 4w3days). Anything can happen. I have my second HCG beta test tomorrow, where my number should be in the range of 400-500 if all is progressing as it should. I'm living on limbo island myself, and the thought of having company there, and one who is so close to me at that, is terrifying. Telling my sister would somehow make all of this real, and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that yet.
But in addition to this, I don't want the first family member I let into the inner circle of fertility treatments, procedures, drugs, and IVF to great my news with negativity. I'm anticipating her telling me that I am crazy for getting pregnant, for wanting a baby. I fear she won't respect my decision and realize that just because she doesn't want children doesn't mean I shouldn't either. I'm worried she won't want to stay with me anymore when she comes into town.
Perhaps I'm underestimating her. After all, if all goes well, this baby will be her neice or nephew, and not just some random kid. And perhaps she can separate her life choices from mine. I don't know.
So, assuming I get good beta news tomorrow, do you think I should tell my sister my news?
Well, my sister hates kids.
I guess "hate" is a strong word. She doesn't want kids of her own. When she sees a baby or small child crying or misbehaving in public, she gets visably annoyed. She makes comments about obnoxious child behavior. She resents having to pick up the slack at work for co-workers who skip out early to attend their children's school events (can't say I blame her for that one). She doesn't want to attend Christmas mass because she doesn't want to be trapped in a room of squirming children. Essentially, she's not a kid person. And she makes this abundantly obvious and clear to all who know her.
And I'm worried about her reaction to my news. I can barely type the words "pregnant" or say them inside my head without getting nervous and worried. After all, I am only 4 weeks along (or 4w3days). Anything can happen. I have my second HCG beta test tomorrow, where my number should be in the range of 400-500 if all is progressing as it should. I'm living on limbo island myself, and the thought of having company there, and one who is so close to me at that, is terrifying. Telling my sister would somehow make all of this real, and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that yet.
But in addition to this, I don't want the first family member I let into the inner circle of fertility treatments, procedures, drugs, and IVF to great my news with negativity. I'm anticipating her telling me that I am crazy for getting pregnant, for wanting a baby. I fear she won't respect my decision and realize that just because she doesn't want children doesn't mean I shouldn't either. I'm worried she won't want to stay with me anymore when she comes into town.
Perhaps I'm underestimating her. After all, if all goes well, this baby will be her neice or nephew, and not just some random kid. And perhaps she can separate her life choices from mine. I don't know.
So, assuming I get good beta news tomorrow, do you think I should tell my sister my news?
Be blessed Sweetheart. I hope all goes well. If your sister will be positive and supportive, then go ahead and tell her. If not, just wait a little while longer.
I don't think you HAVE to tell your sister just because she's there. Although she may surprise you with her response if the two of you are so close and you can explain what having a child means to you. Do what feels right to you, not what feels right intellectually.
Chances are she will begin to see children differently once she's an aunt! Of course, there's no guarantee, but I don't think I've met an aunt who doesn't adore their first niece or nephew in a very special way. Perspectives change. She'll be loving your child like crazy...
She already knows you want children, right?
Do what seems right to you, Kristi. If it were my sister, I'd be bursting at the seams to tell her!
sit her down with your blog posts from the begining and get her to read through to this one, if she can still not be understanding she is no sister! (not really.... but you get the metaphor)
--- sorry abit unhappy :(
If she knows that you are happy than chances are that she would be happy for you. But if you think that her response will disappoint you than don't tell. You have had enough disappointment in the past 2 years - this is a time to be happy. There is nothing wrong with making your announcement to her over the phone when it feels like the right time.
I agree with thalia...you don't have to tell her just because she's present. I think you should wait until you and your husband are both ready, physically and emotionally to tell everyone, because if your family is like most I know, it won't be long until everyone else knows. And I hope that when you do tell her, she will be sensitive and love you enough to understand, regardless of how she feels about kids in general. But really, if you're worried about it, then I would say wait. It would still be a very exciting phone call!
First of all, I'm wishing you 500 betas tomorrow!
Second of all, everyone else has already given you all the advice I would have come up with!
Feel your sister out while she's visiting. If you're not ready to tell her, wait.
I would think that she would be thrilled to be the first to know though, and whether you tell her sooner, or later, your hesitancy at telling her might be the same. And, she might surprise you, because afterall, she loves you and wants you to be happy.
Whatever her reaction is though, don't let it take away from your excitement, and your hopes and dreams. Just like you would never take away from her's.
Hali-Thanks for stopping by. My problem is, I have no idea what her reaction will be! If only I had a crystal ball...
Thalia-That's a great point. I'm so used to overanalyzing everything I do, I sometimes forget to just go with what I feel is right at the time.
Marie-She does know I want kids, so that won't be a mystery to her. But once she hears this news, she is going to be shocked. I hope she's as wonderful an aunt as you are.
Clare-hmmm... interesting. I know I'm probably underestimating her reaction and not giving her enough credit.
PS: I am hoping an praying for Kiri's return every day.
D-yes, this is what I originally planned on doing. I just don't want to be upset at her reaction.
Dawn-you have no idea how accurate you are-if I tell her, even though she can keep a secret, I think the family would end up knowing very quickly. We're all very close.
Alisha-I still haven't decided what to do, but I agree with you and Dawn and Thalia: to do what feels right at the time.
Ramona-yes, I want to believe that I'm thinking too negatively about her reaction, and I'm hopeful that whenever I do end up telling her, she can at the bare minimum respect my decision.
Caryl-It's all so hard! And I can't believe your family members STILL ask you about Christmas. That's insane!
I think that you should tell me because your joy is my joy, your struggles, my struggles. I am so incredibly happy for you I can hardly form words. This babe (babes?) will have the have the most loving, obsessively spoiling, protective, and dedicated aunt imaginable. And I know you guys will be the best parents since, well, a certain set of people became parents in 1950 :-)
I only wish I would have known earlier to help lighten the burden, but I understand, I do.
All my love...
(PS - thank you for confessing the existence of this blog so that I could find you. A quick search on "Pumpkin Cheesecake" was all it took!)