And me? Well, I'm where I always am. Home. And trapped here, really, because leaving my house by myself with three small kids, two of whom are incredibly fussy and probably colicky, who have no predictable schedule, and who basically require constant nursing, is far too daunting a task for me to even consider right now.
Over the holidays, we were able to break free a few times and go out, just the two of us. My mom was in town and stayed with us for a few days, which was pure bliss. Having an extra set of incredibly capable and helpful hands was the best Christmas gift I received. So as not to overwhelm her with caring for three kids at once, we waited until Isabella went down for her nap, and then we went out to lunch once, and another time we went to the movies. We saw Seven Pounds, which was...interesting. Let me just say this about that film: I'll never look at another jelly fish the same way again.
I've never been a big New Year's resolutions person. Last year, I attempted to set monthly goals instead of yearly ones, and even those I abandoned after five months. But this year especially, the thought of making any resolutions beyond "survive" is laughable. My life is utter chaos. The babies are legions away from being on any kind of predictable schedule. They are still up all night. I am still averaging about 5 hours of broken sleep a night. My house is a mess because the second I start emptying the dishwasher or cleaning up a pile of toys, someone starts crying and needs attention. Getting my work done for my clients is a struggle, considering it's often done in 764 5-minute increments spread throughout the day. I'm trying to stay current with your blogs. I'm sometimes reading, but rarely commenting. If my Christmas tree is out of my house by April, I'll consider it an accomplishment.
This blog is anything but rainbows and sunshine, and frankly, unless a radical change happens soon and life gets significantly easier, not much will change in my writing. It's not really the direction I want to take with this blog. I worry about returning to this time in my life a few years from now and struggling to remember anything positive about it. But it is what it is for the time being.I haven't made any resolutions, but I have written down a list of things I both want to and need to accomplish in the journal that was supposed to store my ideas for essays I planned to write for commercial magazines. I plan on compiling a daily to-do list every evening (or first thing in the morning) each day so I can begin to re-take control over my life. I'm sick of treading water and praying I don't drown.
My hope is that sometime in the next month, as the twins turn 3 months old, I'll begin to experience a bit of predictability and even a tiny modicum of peace amongst the chaos. People keep telling me it will get better, and I know they're right. The change just can't come fast enough for me.