Notes from a Small Island

All things considered, things are going swimmingly with my life in its current state. Now, of course I'd like a billion dollars, a Mini Cooper, my mom to divorce #4, and Paula Deen as my aunt, but in lieu of all those pie-in-the-sky dreams that just aren't ever going to happen, I can honestly say that I'm pretty happy for the most part, although my ears are always tuned for that second shoe to drop.

That said, being pregnant has brought about some major changes in my relatively ho-hum life. Certain activities that I enjoyed doing are on temporary hold. Certain eating and drinking habits that were as much a part of me as my too-thin blah hair are now contraband.

So I present to you the Top 6 Things I Miss About My Pre-five-Months-Ago Life

Turkey sandwiches from Panera

If you've read this blog for awhile, you've probably heard me mention once or twice that I'm an extremely picky eater. I eat...oh...probably in the neighborhood of 10 different foods. Vegetables? Not really my friends. And variety? Not really my friend either. So for lunch almost every day, I'd take a plain turkey deli sandwich to work. No condiments. No lettuce. No cheese. Nothing. And when I'd go out to get lunch, Panera's turkey sandwiches always hit the spot.

But when you're pregnant, deli meat of any kind is a huge no-no because it can cause listeria poisoning, which can cross the placenta and do serious damage to the baby. You can, however, heat up the deli meat until its steaming, and then it's fine to eat. But that? Is disgusting. So, I'm going without, and considering turkey made up a huge part of my weekly food intake, I'm still going through serious withdrawl, even 19 week later.

Diet Coke with Lime and all other caffeinated beverages

While vegetables are most certainly not my friends, caffeine, on the other hand, is my bosom buddy. I chugged the equivalent of a pot of coffee everyday, between home, car, and work consumption, and always, always, had a Diet Coke, or a Diet Dr. Pepper, with lunch. And now, of course, caffeine and aspartame (the artificial sweetener found in most diet soda) are off-limits. Withdrawl from this addicition at the beginning of my pregnancy was not pretty. Headaches, bitching, and much moaning ensued. I have found one diet soda flavored with Splenda (which is made with sugar and not aspartame) of which I can partake-Diet 7Up-but it's not the same as a cola beverage. Waaaa.


In my pre-pregnancy life, I was a Sweet-n-Low girl. Not an Equal girl, or a Splenda girl, but a Sweet-n-Low girl. It went in my caffeinated coffee several times a day. Splenda just doesn't taste the same.

My extremely expensive Citizens of Humanity designer jeans

While visiting Karrie this past summer, she talked me into buying my first pair of designer jeans. Now, if you know me in "real life," you're well aware that I am not a designer jeans type of gal. Gap or Old Navy jeans suited me just fine for 29.5 years. However, Karrie the fashionista insisted that I needed a pair of jeans that cost the equivalent of two weeks of food shopping, and that I would immediately notice that they felt better, fit better, and looked better than any other pair of jeans I'd ever owned. And damn her, she was right. I heart me those jeans, which now hang abandoned in my closet with every other item of clothing I own, save for the 10 or so pieces I've recently bought that are designed to fit girls who are the size of a small island and are currently growing Skeletor.


I know there are those of you out there who are going to read this and say, "huh?" but I miss running. Prior to the start of my IVF cycle in November, I was running 30 miles a week. Now, though, with my doctor axing running because it can cause your heart rate to get too high, I have to content with walking instead, which is NOT the same. Now that the weather is rising to a balmy 40 degrees here in upstate NY, the joggers are out. And I hate them. Although pretty soon, the sight of me running wouldn't be one that anyone would want to see anyway.

My mind

Ever heard the saying, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"? Yeah? Well, I think it was coined for pregnant women. I consider myself to be pretty intelligent. Except I cannot do the math. Please don't even speak the word in my presence. But since carrying the Beastie, I swear to you I have lost a significant amount of brain cells. I've told you before that I've left the oven on hours after I've finished using it. More than once. I forget things people tell me seconds after they've finished speaking. And just the other night, driving a friend home from a movie we'd just gone to see, I was about two seconds away from sailing through a red light and killing us both, had he not yelled, "Are you going to STOP????"

One thing I don't miss: scooping the cat poop from the litter boxes. That, friends, is a reason to get knocked up all in itself.

8 Responses to “Notes from a Small Island”

  1. # Blogger Shannon

    But it does sound like you can still eat PIZZA! So eat some pizza, courtesy of Eat Pizza Every Day Week, hosted by yours truly!  

  2. # Blogger Binulatti

    My heart goes out to you on the jeans, running, and caffiene. Living la vida no-caf would send me over the edge. But! Just file that longing in the part of your mind that the bambino likes to eat and you'll be back in happyland where you belong in no time :-)  

  3. # Blogger Marie

    Have you asked the doc about the turkey? I'm pretty sure I had turkey sandwiches when I was pregnant. I can see no cured/smoked meats, but not all deli meat is bad, is it? I still buy the all-natural Plainville no-salt turkey from the deli counter. Love love love that stuff.

    Don't worry, you'll be back to your jeans & all the rest of that good stuff before you know it!  

  4. # Blogger Shannon

    By the way, you still owe us the birthday party story of #4!  

  5. # Blogger "BLESSED BE MY WOMB"

    You seem to be having a great pregnancy. Have you tried playing classical relaxation music to your baby. it is very soothing for you and your baby, try it.  

  6. # Blogger Kristi

    Shannon-Oh, I'm all over the pizza. And I'll eat yours too, so watch out.
    PS: Thanks for the reminder. Check back tomorrow (Monday) for the story of #4.

    Karrie-Can you hear the tiny violin playing a sad, sad song for me?

    Marie-Yup, I asked my doctor. The handout on listeria poisoning was in my pamphlet of stuff they gave me at my first OB appt., but I wanted to make absolutely sure I couldn't eat deli meat, since I love it so much. And she said, "No. Absolutely no deli meat. We're deadly serious about that." Alrighty then. :(

    Blessed-Thanks for stopping by. No classical music yet, but my husband sings to my belly sometimes. :)  

  7. # Anonymous sher

    Well, you haven't lost your sense of humor, that's for darn sure. And have some pizza for Shannon!!!  

  8. # Blogger Kristi

    Sher-LOL. Thanks. Pizza and I are very, very well-acquainted.  

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  • 34-year-old writer and
    mother to a daughter
    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

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