Full Disclosure

My sister found out I was pregnant with Isabella by Googling "pumpkin cheesecake."

A little background. My sister did not know then that I had a blog. When she was in town and staying with me for Christmas in 2005 (I was a few weeks along at that point) we got to talking about blogs and blogging. She asked me if I had one. I replied, "Um. No?" As I am a masterful and accomplished liar, I have no idea why she didn't believe me.

She returned to Seattle hot on my trail. I had been bragging about a pumpkin cheesecake I had made a few weeks prior to her arrival, and it was my bravado that brought me down. She put two and two together and figured that if I was boasting about my baking to her, I sure as shit was probably doing it for millions of complete strangers to read too. At the time, this blog was on page one of Google's results (it's now on page four).

Oddly enough, my sister wasn't content to procure the recipe for a kick-ass pumpkin cheesecake I got from Dawn (Dawn? Dawn? Are you out there anymore?) and head off on her merry way. She stuck around and snooped around (the nerve) and found not only this post, but this one too-in which I wrote about considering telling her the news while she was visiting at Christmas, but then eventually decided not to.

Oops. The jig was up.

She called me and she was crying. She was so happy that after two years of trying (which she also didn't know about until then) I was finally pregnant. But later she confided in me that she was actually really upset that I didn't tell her what I was going through. That she would have been a big source of support for me through my struggles. And that my joy was her joy and my sadness was hers too.

Bottom line: My sister was hurt. And it was wrong of me not to tell her. I know that now.

So, this time around, I decided to clue in Karrie before we started the FET. And she convinced me that I should tell my mom as well. (We didn't tell her, or anyone else in my family, the first time we tried IVF. I told them I was pregnant when I was 11 weeks along, and then told them about the IVF shortly after.)

This weekend my mom is in town visiting. So on Friday, we told her.

Her first words? "I knew it."

Huh?

Mamacita claims to have "mother's intuition." She says she figured out that we were about to try again the last time she was in town (about a month ago), but decided not to say anything. She is excited, and, as mothers and those not familiar with IF protocol are prone to do, immediately starting talking about the expected due date, and whether we wanted a boy or a girl, and how many weeks she could afford to take off work. In her mind, this "maybe baby(ies)" is/are already a done deal.

We had to clearly and carefully explain to her that we are entertaining none of those thoughts at this time, and we really didn't want to talk about the future. We're giving FET a shot. And for now, that's all we wanted to discuss.

(Well, discuss with her anyway. I plan on letting it all hang out here on my blog because I really need to.)

Strangely enough, despite my anticipation that the end of days would quickly approach once I broke the news, no great catastrophe befell the universe following the disclosure. As far as I know, Britney Spears isn't pregnant again and George Bush is still legally obligated to leave office in 344 days. I'm not quite sure now why I was so worried about telling her.

So, just to recap, my sister knows. My mom knows. And you know. I do believe this is the perfect trifecta.

Thank you for your kind and supportive comments on my last post. It was so awesome to hear from both regular commenters, and those who haven't commented in awhile.

8 Responses to “Full Disclosure”

  1. # Anonymous Lis Garrett

    Mothers always know. They just do. And aunts and grandmas and every other female who has been pregnant before.

    When I was pregnant at 21 with Hannah, I tried to pass it off as the stomach virus. Needless to say, they didn't buy it. When I finally told my mom, all she said was, "Oh, Melissa!" like she was scorning a child. We joke about her reaction to this day.

    It can be terrifying telling the people you love, the people whose support you need the most. Just know that we (your family and friends) are right behind you no matter what!!  

  2. # Blogger My Wombinations

    My takeaway feeling from all this is a deep sense of awe that you are able to keep such a good secret. Wow. Not me. I have always gone the "tell the world" route on most things.

    I am so thankful that you do choose to share your experiences with the blogosphere and I am hoping for you with all of my heart on this FET.  

  3. # Blogger Tracey

    I think it's good that you have your mom and sister for support this time. Online is great, but there's nothing like having someone hug you or call you when you've had a hard day. I hope that this time around, there are only good days... Crossing all appendages for ya.  

  4. # Blogger M

    I'm so glad you posted about your FET here and I can't wait to follow you through it!  

  5. # Blogger Marie

    Maybe your Mom googled pumpkin cheesecake too? ;-)

    I think it's great that they can be supports to you now too...

    Does your Mom keep a secret?  

  6. # Anonymous sher

    OK, first off--everyone needs to start Googling that pumpkin cheesecake and get it back on page one, dammit!!!!

    And, I just loved reading this post. As is often the case with your writing, I was giggling and deeply touched.  

  7. # Blogger Binulatti

    For the record, I asked you if you blogged at xmastime '05, and you said yeah, then when I asked you what host you used, you clammed up, all "it's my diary, I'm not telling!"...Searching on Blogger was just a lucky guess at the time :-)

    You made the right call by telling her (and me for that matter!)...And I know I've mentioned this before, but as someone who makes her living knowing what people are doing on the internets, I will say that it is *highly* likely that Mamacita is a'lurkin on this here blog. Just sayin' in all ;-P  

  8. # Blogger l

    Wow, you have a lot going on. I'm glad you were able to tell your mom. The explanation of the process and its implications is probably something you will have to repeat to people (and possibly even to those who have already heard it). But I hope that the support you receive is worth the repeated breaths.  

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Quick Snapshot:

  • 34-year-old writer and
    mother to a daughter
    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

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