Escape from Alcatraz

Yesterday I went to the mall. And okay, so my home isn't Alcatraz. I actually quite like my house. But the mall trip was a stealth operation from start to finish all the same. Because...wait for it...I took Isabella with me. And in doing so, I violated Rule #5. In a big way.

If you've been reading here awhile, you know I have some wonderful, loving, and giving relatives. Who are also a scant bit overprotective (some might call it neurotic) when it comes to Isabella and slightly critical of my parenting skills (or what they might call the lack thereof). On Monday my grandma was here. I told her I had to go to the bank the following day (yesterday). She said, "Okay, if I don't have to work, I'll come over and watch Isabella." You see, the thought never occured to her that I could very easily and without any trauma to my child take her to the bank with me. And I didn't even have to go in, people! I was going through the drive-thru!

Well, it turns out grandma had to work yesterday, and she called to tell me so Monday night. She then said she'd tell my great aunt to come over to watch Isabella so I could go to the bank. I told her that wasn't necessary, and that Rich could go to the bank on his way home from work (a lie, of course, because I had every intention of going to the damn bank myself with Isabella in tow). She said okay, but then 10 minutes later my great aunt calls and says she's coming over the following day so I could go to the bank. Seems grandma called her anyway to cover all her bases so that there was no possible way Isabella could set foot one inch outside my house. She will stay inside forever or she will die!

So I informed my aunt that no, Rich was going to the bank for me, and no, I didn't need her to come all the way over to my house to watch Isabella so I could run a 10 minute errand. Little did grandma and auntie know what I really had planned for yesterday.

Cue the scary music.

Not only did I take Isabella with me to the bank (Gasp!), but we went to the mall, where we met my friend for lunch and shopping. And a heavily bundled Ella was outside in her stroller for approximately one minute between the car and the mall door (The Horror!). And there were other people there. People with germs (Dear God, When Will It End?). And now for the most horrible part of the whole trip. I nursed her in the Mothercare Room, which incidentally I didn't know existed until my friend told me about it. What a cool thing. I can go to the mall now and not have to run home after two hours to feed the babe!

And through the entire trip, which start to finish lasted about 4 hours, I felt like a 15 year old girl who climbed out her bedroom window at midnight to meet her boyfriend at the park down the street. What if one of my grandma's friends saw me at the mall? What if she unexpectedly shows up at my house after work and we're not there? And how many frantic answering machine messages inquiring as to my whereabouts would I have when I got home?

The trip to the mall was lovely. I got out of the house, which I don't often do. My friend and I both drank pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, which is like a hug in a cup for me. And I bought the girl some cute clothes. We even helped a frazzled and hormonal new mom get her baby's carrier into her stroller after she ran up to us asking for help.

And when I got home? Not one message from grandma. Not one message from auntie.

Home free!

9 Responses to “Escape from Alcatraz”

  1. # Blogger The Princess

    I remember my first escape w/ Camille like it was yesterday but instead of my grandmother being worried it was my husband who reads WAY to much!  

  2. # Blogger sunShine

    Glad that you got out of the house. SOunds like you had fun and no one was harmed in the process!  

  3. # Blogger M

    OMG this is hilarious! I took Maddy to Mike's school yesterday to see some of the teachers and he walked around with baby wipes in hand so anyone who wanted to touch her could disinfect first. they all know he is anal, so it was like a big joke.
    And then he comes home yesterday vomiting and with the runs....ugh. So, now I pray I don't get it and that maddy doesn't get it.  

  4. # Blogger Shannon

    Mmmm, pumpkin spice lattes. I usually have one per year and I think today will be the day. Thanks for the inadvertent reminder!  

  5. # Blogger sher

    LOL!! This was so funny! You're such a good writer. Wait, that's it! A book about this whole experience.

    Just whip that book out between feedings, would ya?  

  6. # Blogger Marie

    LOL! Oh my gosh... I'm envisioning the SWAT team descending upon the mall, ready to rescue Ella!!

    I know, you could change the message on your answering machine -- something like: Yo, it's Kristi. We're not here. Yeah, the baby and I are OUT OF THE HOUSE. We're painting the town red. She? Wearing only a diaper. Me? Pouring down a few brewskis. I'll call you later, if we can find our way home.... BEEP!  

  7. # Blogger kenju

    You are so funny! You are making me glad that I didn't live near my family when my children were born.  

  8. # Blogger Damselfly

    LMAO! Ah, yes, the first trip to the mall. Too bad you didn't photograph it for Ella (never to be shown to the older generation, of course).

    Having overprotective relatives is great, isn't it? My husband's first day back at work after our baby was born -- after my own mom went back home -- his mom told him I couldn't possibly take care of our baby all.by.myself. that day. Nice vote of confidence there, eh?  

  9. # Blogger Kristi

    Princess-Luckily, my husband doesn't share the worrywart gene my relatives have!

    Sunshine-nope. No harm done. This time. Muuuhhaa!

    M-That's so funny. After Ella was baptized and held by 30 different people, I wanted to bathe her in Lysol, but refrained. :)

    Shannon-They are soooo good, aren't they?

    Sher-Thanks. And I really wish I had the time to write a book.

    Marie-LOL. You have no idea how much I woud love to do this.

    Kenju-hee-hee. Yes, living this close has both benefits and drawbacks.

    Damselfly-That's horrible! I so would have wanted to smack my MIL if she said that about me.  

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