Anticipation

A year ago at this time, I was in full-on preparation mode for the Mother's Day brunch I put on for my family each year. In attendance are my mom, #4, my grandma, my great aunt and uncle (who are also my Godparents) two aunts, and some combination of one of the aunt's three children. Staying distracted with the details, at least from several days beforehand to mid-afternoon on the day kept me busy. There were muffins to bake, and fruit to chop for fruit salad, flower baskets to make for each mother, and a table to set that would make Martha proud. But once the brunch was over, and the last guest had gone home, and the final dish was put away, it was just me and my infertile mind left to contemplate the meaning of the day, and to question whether I would ever be a mother. Like many days of 2005, Mother's Day wasn't one of my shining moments.

Now, I've always considered myself extremely lucky in that I have a reason to celebrate on Mother's Day at all. I have a wonderful mother, a doting grandmother, and the most generous and amazing great aunt (and Godmother) a girl could ever want. Many people don't even have one of these mothers in their lives. I have three. But there was something different about Mother's Day last year. We had been trying to conceive for over 18 months at that point, and I was no closer to motherhood than I was when we first started trying.

Mother's Day this year is going to be different than those of the past. I'm on my way to becoming a mother myself.

At 25 weeks pregnant, reality is setting in. Baby furniture has been purchased. So has nursery bedding. Rich reads and sings to the baby nightly. I'm feeling constant movement and sometimes soccer star-worthy kicks. I've received my first ever Mother's Day cards (Mother-to-be cards, actually), including a beautifully handmade one from Karrie. Friends and relatives have bought me Mother's Day presents. What once I thought would never happen, has. And this time next year, a nine month old will be celebrating me.

But on this Mother's Day, I will be thinking of those of you who are still waiting for your miracles. I'll have Thalia and Beagle and Hopeful Mother on my mind, as well as countless others who are living through the painful waiting I know so well. And I'll also be thinking about those who have been through the infertility gauntlet and didn't come through with a baby on the other side. Each of you is in my thoughts today too.

So, whether you're celebrating as a mother yourself, or you're awaiting the news that will hopefully make next Mother's Day special for you in a way it's never been before, or whether you're celebrating your own mother, or grandmother, or special woman in your life, Happy Mother's Day from this very blessed and extremely fortunate mother-to-be.

15 Responses to “Anticipation”

  1. # Anonymous sher

    Awww Kristi, that teared me up. I'm so happy for you and think of all the wonderful Mother's Days ahead for you. My mom is no longer alive, but I always think of her, almost everyday. And your thoughts for others were wonderful. Hugs!  

  2. # Blogger Shannon

    Happy Mother's Day, you new little mom, you!  

  3. # Blogger Marie

    Happy Mother's Day, Mom-to-be Kristi!!! Enjoy your day with the family! You'll be chasing a little one around the floor next year!  

  4. # Blogger Christine

    Aww Happy Mother's Day!  

  5. # Blogger Clare Eats

    AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    I am soosooso happy for you!

    HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!  

  6. # Blogger D

    Happy Mothers Day! I too feel so extremely blessed today. Have a wonderful day.  

  7. # Anonymous Veronica

    Happy Mother's Day! I'm so glad I can finally say those words to you! I hope you've had a wonderful day!  

  8. # Blogger l

    What a great sentiment. It's wonderful that you're so appreciative of the blessings in your life and that you recognize not everyone has the same - it means you won't take these things for granted. Happy Mother's Day to you, Kristi!  

  9. # Blogger Kross-Eyed Kitty

    I'm all teary too!
    Happy Mother's Day!  

  10. # Blogger Hopeful Mother

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

  11. # Blogger Hopeful Mother

    Kristi, your writing brought tears to my eyes as well. Thanks for thinking of me, too.

    You're right - you are very fortunate to have those special women in your lives, indeed. And even more fortunate to look forward to your next Mother's Day, which will have a new and different meaning than this one did. I am so happy for you!

    Mother's Day can be difficult for us IF'ers. It is not just a reminder of what we don't yet have, but more what we want to be. Difficult as it is, we must look past what we don't have, and understanding what our mothers/grandmothers/special women have contributed to our lives. If we are fortunate enough to experience motherhood, to emulate all of the great things they have done for us.  

  12. # Blogger yellojkt

    You sound so ready to be a mother. I hope and prayer your dreams are realized. Have a happy next mothers day.

    Michele sent me.  

  13. # Blogger kenju

    What a lovely post, Kristi! I hope your day was wonderful!  

  14. # Blogger Thalia

    What a lovely post, Kristi, thank you for thinking of all of us. I'm glad that you had such a good day.  

  15. # Blogger Kristi

    Thanks, everyone, for the good wishes. I had a wonderful Mother's Day, and I hope all of you did too.  

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