I Traveled to Dante's 10th Circle of Hell...and Lived to Write About It

Everyone's familiar with Dante's journey through the nine circles of Hell, right? Virgil guides Dante through the circles, each one more horrific than the next, only to emerge unscathed through the center of the Earth at the poem's conclusion. On Friday, I emerged unscathed from the little known 10th circle. This particular circle is the most terrifying, depressing, and tear-producing one for infertiles. This circle is Babies R Us.

I haven't been in that store in over a year, despite having to buy shower presents for numerous friends and coworkers. If you're dealing with infertility, there is no more depressing place on earth, and there came a point over a year ago when I decided that enough was enough. I attended most of the showers I was invited to, although those days always ended with me returning home to sob my eyes out once the showers were over (and sometimes I didn't even make it home before the tears began to flow). But I couldn't go into Babies R Us. I had friends do my shopping for me, which they so generously offered to do. They wrapped the gifts for me too, so I wouldn't have to see the tiny outfits, the cuddly blankets, and mysterious playtime contraptions I thought my husband and I would never get the chance to put together for our own child. And I went to my friends' showers, complete with aritificial happy face, and endured three to four hours of pre-maternal glow. I was happy for every single one of them, but inside I was dying.

On Friday night, my husband and I went to buy a shower gift there. It marked the first time I had been there in over a year, and the first time since finding out about my own pregnancy. We printed the registry, found the gifts we were purchasing for the mom-to-be... and then we ventured over to the cribs to take a quick look. We only stayed in the store for a few more minutes, neither of us quite ready to make the transition from infertile couple to a couple possibly welcoming a baby in six months' time. And then we left. But that trip to that store in all its over-the-top pastel cuteness marked a milestone for me. I'm not infertile anymore, despite what my brain continues to tell me. I'm 14 weeks today, and officially in my second trimester. The miscarriage rate drops to something like 1 or 2% in the second trimester, and as far as we know, everything with the baby is fine. Babies R Us isn't the 10th cicle of Hell for me anymore. And while we're not ready to spend any significant time in that store just yet, I'm hopeful that in a few months, we will be.

9 Responses to “I Traveled to Dante's 10th Circle of Hell...and Lived to Write About It”

  1. # Blogger Alisha

    Wonderful, Kristi!!!! Kudos to you.  

  2. # Anonymous Melissa

    Congratulations, both on your pregnancy, and on conquering a personal demon.  

  3. # Blogger Shannon

    What Melissa said!  

  4. # Blogger Marie

    Hooray Kristi!! 2nd trimester... woohoo! You will have fun picking out little things & contraptions when you're ready!!  

  5. # Blogger Kross-Eyed Kitty

    I know what you mean about the Babies R Us, the showers, the everything. I hate to admit it (and don't get me wrong, I am happy for everybody who is having a baby,) but I simply can not go to another baby shower again. Or, not for a while anyway.
    But nevertheless! I really am happy for you, and excited for you that it's finally YOUR turn! And I can't believe that you are 14 weeks along already!!! How are you feeling these days? More pep in your step?  

  6. # Blogger Christine

    That's excellent, congrats on the 14 weeks and second trimester. That's awesome!  

  7. # Blogger Binulatti

    That's awesome, Shish. And congrats. Twenty, twenty, twenty-two weeks to go...
    (And may you be able to endure ever-increasing levels of pastel-cutesiness, baby powder aromatherapy, and the deafening roar of many a screaming tot. All at once. On second thought, maybe you're better off online. ;-)  

  8. # Blogger Kristi

    Alisha, Melissa, and Shannon-Thanks!

    Marie-From the looks of them, I'll need an advanced degree in mechnical engineering to assemble the toys!

    Ramona-I know EXACTLY what you mean. Believe me, I have been there, and I know how you feel. Staying away from baby showers is self-preservation, and any decent friend will understand why you can't attend.

    As for me, I definitely have more energy now, although I still have days of exhaustion. Thanks for asking!

    Christine-Thank you. It's a big relief to be here.

    Karrie-Ha! Yes, it is much quieter and pastel-free online, isn't it?  

  9. # Anonymous Anonymous

    Best regards from NY! » »  

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  • 34-year-old writer and
    mother to a daughter
    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

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