Things I Just Don't Understand

While I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, there are certain things I just don't understand. These things include why I literally could NOT stop itching my entire body the other night, how anyone can possibly think that Sarah "I Can See Russia From My House!" Palin is in any way qualified to be the VP of the United States, and the allure of holiday lawn inflatables, which got this little blog mentioned on an web page where the writer made reference to the "savagery" with which I "attacked" them.

I recently discovered yet another thing I just don't get. Perhaps someone can help.

My Sunday paper comes with the USA Weekend Magazine, which of course is one of the first sections I turn to (after the Editorial page) because who doesn't like juicy celebrity gossip? Without fail, at least twice a month I find an advertisement page for these.

Now, let me first say that I understand that people collect things. I personally know adults who collect coins, tree ornaments, bears, etc. When I was a kid, I even collected Madame Alexander dolls (a name that I realize sounds mildly pornographic). I don't think there's anything strange about being a collector of most things. But these itty-bitty dolls that are marketed to adults as "life-like and "So Truly Real," I do not understand. (The website clearly states: "These dolls are not toys; they are fine collectibles to be enjoyed by adult collectors.")

These dolls appeared in this Sunday's edition. The description in the ad reads in part that at six inches long, they're "tiny enough to carry along with you to give you a delightful boost on the toughest day." I'm sorry, but the idea of a grown woman (or man!) carrying around one of these dolls in his/her pocket or handbag and peering at them throughout the day as a natural mood-booster freaks me the hell out. That's what caffeine and hard drugs are for, people!

Other eerily "life-like" mini baby dolls come with additional outfits (including ones named "Going to Grandma's" and "Going to the Park") and accessories (including strollers, bouncy seats, diaper bags, and grooming sets)...presumably so the adults who buy them can play with them? And one of the dolls apparently even "breathes."

Also, what is the fascination with making the dolls so "real-looking"? Do you really want a doll that looks more like a newborn than your own living, breathing baby does?

Someone please explain the allure of these "baby dolls for adults" to me.

9 Responses to “Things I Just Don't Understand”

  1. # Anonymous Lis Garrett

    Okay, this post had me literally laughing out loud because, once upon a time, I owned a few Ashton-Drake dolls. My mom had the Fairy Tales collection, which were not life-like at all, and I had three very lovely babies that, although they were cute, were also not really life-like.

    I get that magazine insert as well, and I was a little taken aback by just how real those dolls really do look. Your account is hilarious, too, and "weird" doesn't even begin to describe someone who'd play with or carry around those dolls.

    Beautifully made . . . just strange.  

  2. # Anonymous Amy

    Yeah, but have you seen the baby monkeys?

    Toy monkeys.

    Dressed as babies.

    For grown women.

    I'm not kidding, but I really wish I were:  

  3. # Blogger Simply-Mel

    Ok. I have to say it. American can jsut be plain weird. Sure, here in SA we can just be plain criminal but not-so-weird! LOL  

  4. # Anonymous Ness

    Um, huh?

    Dolls for adults? To pack and whip out on the subway on a particularly bad day? What - to have a worse day with when you get thrown from the train for being a weirdo?? HAHHAHAHAHA (big belly laugh) oh my...the things that the material world will spew up for us to spend money on, is BEYOND me. Have you seen the movie "Elizabethtown" ? Where Orlando Blooms character spends 8 years of his life designing the ultimate sneaker, only for it to bomb totally - yeah, I think the person who came up with this doll idea should go through what he did!  

  5. # Blogger Riley & Tiki

    Those dolls creep us out. They also make stuffed cats and dogs that "breathe". Creepy.

    We do love the holiday lawn inflatables though. Mommy & Daddy so want a Brutus Buckeye* inflatable, but we don't have a yard.

    *Even after the loss to USC, football season still counts as a holiday in Columbus, Ohio (Mommy & Daddy are going to the game without us tomorrow!).  

  6. # Blogger Damselfly

    My stepmother has a friend who is a woman of a certain age who has a doll collection. I think there is a certain demographic, like my stepmother's friend, who grew up with dolls and just never outgrew playing with them or cherishing them.

    Have you seen the other ads in that paper insert? Cheese-y!  

  7. # Blogger Mom24

    I don't get those either. OR, the Sarah Palin super-hero doll. Weird. I'm also having a very hard time understanding why so many people seem to think she is just wonderful.  

  8. # Blogger Pregnantly Plump

    So funny! I'm constantly telling my husband that some people just have way too much money on their hands!
    As for the lawn inflatables? It's not just Christmas here, no, they whip those babies out for Halloween as well. We get to see ghosts and pumpkins and vampires for more than a month. THEN we get to see the Grinch and Rudolph. Again, some people just have way too much money...  

  9. # Blogger Shannon

    ok those are just as strange and scary as those high heel shoes for babies... what the hell!!!  

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