Hormonally Charged

Nary a day goes by as of late when I'm not dissolving into a big weepy mess.

Granted, I'm the emotional type anyway, but usually my tears are reserved for Pedigree dog food commercials and news like this.

But over the last few weeks, its been tears over the times that are a'changin over here. There's no denying that as the belly grows bigger, the clock counting down our time as a family of three is ticking away.

And I'm seeing reminders of this everywhere.

Last week, the hubs was dancing with Isabella in his arms to "her song," the tune he picked out while she was still in-utero and sang to my belly every night before bed: "Islands in the Stream" (don't ask). This is the song that used to knock her out after hours of crying when she was an infant, and the song she now asks to dance to at least a few times a week. One look at the two of them dancing and the look of elation on her face as he spun her around made me dissolve into an unsightly puddle of tears and snot.

The other night, it was Isabella's selection of The Giving Tree for her bedtime story that did me in. I had to leave the room. Don't even get me started on Love You Forever.

And then there was a Raymour and freaking Flannigan furniture commercial that featured scenes of a mother and her five-year-oldish daughter doing various activities set to some sappy tune that turned on the waterworks.

Seriously, WTF is wrong with me?

It's not as if we ever considered having Isabella be our only child. We wanted two (and we're getting a bonus one thrown in for free). It's not as if we didn't make the conscious choice when to try for this second pregnancy. There is nothing about this that we didn't plan.

So then why is it that it feels like I'm mourning what I'm losing and the changes that are coming instead of being excited about the two new arrivals? Truth be told, I am scared shitless of what's going to happen to the (relatively) neat and ordered little universe of three that we've been living in for the past two years. Would I be feeling this way if I was 10 weeks or fewer away from having a singleton as opposed to twins? I'm not sure. Maybe. Probably.

Suddenly, one-child families make a whole lot of sense to me.

14 Responses to “Hormonally Charged”

  1. # Blogger Simply-Mel

    Dont even try figure it out.

    Weep, wail and do it in style.

    Hormones and the passing of what you know for sure will never be again.

    It would do it to the best of us.


  2. # Blogger MIP

    I think that pregnancy leaves a lingering effect in this department. I am nearly 17 months post partum and still get weepy at things that would never have bothered me prior to pregnancy.  

  3. # Blogger Sasha

    I really, really know how you feel with this one. I think you will remember my posts (and emails) covering the same topic. I can't speak for you, but I know for me, the second (literally the second) that the my son emerged, it was like there had been two all along.

    I think the problem is that a second pregnancy is so different from the first because even though you can (sort of) bond with a fetus(es), especially the first time, the second time you actually love a living child outside your body. This makes it harder to bond with them when they are in utero (at least for me). Once he was here, he was on equal footing and all those feelings faded.

    You just need to get to the end and I will practically guarantee you that even though there may be some residual guilt, the love will totally wash away the waterworks. You can love all three and the gift you are giving Isabella is immeasurable. As hard as two is, I am thrilled with being a family of four (five in your case). One is the loneliest number, after all...  

  4. # Blogger Tracey

    Every single mother feels this. I swear! I think it's because you realize, with second children (and third!) that a baby is a major life change and responsibility. Not that we didn't know it with #1, but we didn't have anyone else to be affected by the change, so it was all about the excitement and THAT BABY. Now? Now your priorities are different. It's not all about the in-utero child(ren). You already LOVE a child who will also be affected by this!

    You have every right to mourn this period. You're right: Things will never be the same. But things never ARE. Whether you had stayed a 1 child family or not, THINGS change. Enjoy this time with ISabella. Document all that you can, and realize that life is basically one big change after another...  

  5. # Blogger Marie

    Sounds totally normal, Kristi!! HUGS!!! You are giving Isabella the amazing gift of siblings.... It will probably be a rough start, but it will be soooo worth it down the road.  

  6. # Anonymous Lis Garrett

    You're normal, trust me.

    And I agree with what Sasha said, once the babies come, you'll feel as though there had been three babies all along.

    I can't remember AT ALL when it was just Hannah, and I almost can't remember what life was like with just Hannah and Jacob. To me, I've ALWAYS had three kids . . .  

  7. # Blogger Mom24

    Totally normal. I waited 7 years to get pregnant with my much wanted, much tried for second child. As soon as the plus sign appeared I remember panicking what have we done? That continued off and on the whole pregnancy. Change is scary. It will be great--you'll see. Most of the time. ;-)  

  8. # Blogger supermommy

    I totally went through this when I was pregnant with #2. You'll get through it and Isabella will be an awesome big sister.

    That darn Johnson & Johnson commercial used to do me in every time!  

  9. # Blogger Pregnantly Plump

    Love you Forever does me in too. I can't do it without crying. Little Elvis always looks confused when this happens.
    I think your feelings are very normal. I have them now and we're only thinking about trying for another.
    And I had to stop watching those Hallmark commercials while I was in college. They would get me everytime.  

  10. # Blogger Sugar and Ice

    OK...we both have 2 year old girls, our share a blog anniversary, we're both pregnant with twins...and today we blogged about nearly the same exact thing. This is getting weird.

    Seriously though...Love You Forever...that book is weird, lol. If I ever strap a ladder to the top of my car, drive across town, and break into Lila's house when she's an adult, please have me committed.  

  11. # Blogger Damselfly

    I love the "weep, wail and do it in style" comment simply-mel left.

    Having two more children will certainly shake things up in the family, but one day you will probably wonder how you ever lived without them.



  12. # Anonymous Ness

    Here's my 2c worth...

    1. The waterworks doesnt go away after this pregnancy the way it did after the first one...evn national anthems make me cry...even the paralympics has me gushing...and...

    2. 1 child families make even MORE sense after the second round arrives :)

    Hang in there!!  

  13. # Anonymous Kris

    Hormones are evil. I didn't get weepy with either pregnancy, but I got very short tempered. And I agree with Ness- it didn't go away for me after the 2nd the way it did after the first. Not sure what's up with that.  

  14. # Blogger Jamie

    Thanks for the link to this. I totally feel this way...

    I have many moments when I question if we should have tried again and say "Why couldn't we have just been happy with one?" Mostly because of my fears.

    Thanks for sharing and letting me know that it does get better.  

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