Santa, I Want a Giant Sharp Stick for Christmas

You've all seen them. In fact, they're everywhere. You can't miss them. In fact (gasp), you may even have your own. They're enormous. They're tacky. They're unavoidable and in-your-face. They're the SUV of Christmas lawn decorations.

The decorating disaster of which I speak is the ginormous Christmas inflatables phenomenon that is sweeping this nation of ours.

Now, before you paint me green and call me the Grinch, let me tell ya'll that I love Christmas. I decorate my house with all my grandma's old decorations that she gave me about ten years ago. We have a fresh tree covered with the ornament collection my mom started for me the year I was born. And our bushes outside are covered with white lights. Tasteful (ahem) white lights.

But these inflatables? These gigantic, monstrous, lighted and often rotating, spinning, or swaying in the breeze creatures? Are. Not. Tasteful. Or attractive. Or festive. Or fun. They're ugly. And they're ridiculous. And apparently, they're also a lot like Lays potato chips, because for a lot of people, apparently just one on ye' ole' front lawn will not do.

And if you have one, as much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, your neighbors whom you believe are sharing your love of your outdoor holiday display hate them, and they hate you for putting it up.

If you have one, bending and blowing in the breeze outside on your lawn right now, I demand that you out yourself, and tell me why, oh why, you purchased such a thing, and how it adds to your celebratory holiday spirit.

Okay, who's with me here?

16 Responses to “Santa, I Want a Giant Sharp Stick for Christmas”

  1. # Blogger Christine

    Goodness, aren't they just god awful. I don't mind a tackily lit house, hell my mother used to put up a lit up Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus complete with three wise men. But she was crazy and it still looked a million times better than the monstrosities plaguing the neighborhood. Blech, hate those.

    (also, Mom really was crazy...she still watches National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and gets a bit jealous when the whole house lights up. Crazy.)  

  2. # Blogger Marie

    The giant globe ones are the ones that get me. We have neighbors who had 2 for Halloween and now 3 for Christmas. Three! And in front of our small houses with tiny lawns, they look super tacky. Of course we all refer to them as the Griswalds now...

    One neighbor has a tasteful snowman, holding a happy holidays sign. I like that one -- it doesn't overpower the lawn.

    Maybe if you live in a McMansion with acreage around you, those big globes don't look so funny from the road... I don't know. I prefer just a few lights & a wreath myself!  

  3. # Blogger M

    I'm with you! My mother goes all out for christmas. I joke that she is national lampoon's house-- they have SO many lights on that house I'm surprised they haven't put the whole city out of electricity. But, thankfully, no blow up crap.
    I think what's worse-- the blow ups that deflate and lay like a pile of plastic on your front yard. If you're going to go sinfully tacky with these things, the least you could do is keep the damn thing inflated.
    Our house is only decorated with a wreath and candle in each window.  

  4. # Blogger shrimpfriedrice

    Hate them! And they don't look so festive in the daylight . . . a blob of fabric lying on your front lawn.  

  5. # Blogger smashedpea

    Yep, they suck.

    We have one in our office even. Two of my co-workers go bonkers with decorations for every occasion and that thing (along with all the other tacky stuff) came out right after they took down the Halloween dungeon we were in for a month before that.

    Not good.  

  6. # Blogger sher

    Count me with you. They're appearing with more and more frequency all over our neighborhood. To each his own, but I really dislike the way they look. And it's downright creepy to see them lying on the ground deflated. Most people here do that to them during the day. Ugh!  

  7. # Blogger Hopeful Mother

    Our (large) dog is afraid of those inflatable thingies... he barks at them. That's a sign that they need to come down. ASAP.  

  8. # Blogger My Wombinations

    They are so creepy!! I totally agree. Some people about a mile from us have a giant (like 12-foot) inflatable Patriots football player that they put out throughout the season. Talk about tacky. And it is there from August to the end of January. At least the Christmas hippo is festive!  

  9. # Blogger sunShine

    Okay I am out! We have several of them (3 to be exact). Our daughter (9 years old) picked them out and we also have a run way for Santa and red and green candy canes lining the driveway and so many lights! The kids love all of our tacky Christmas decorating. Our house is the National Lampoons Christmas Vacation house of our neighborhood! Sorry that you all think my house is ugly or tacky. I guess if I really cared what everyone else thought I would not have put up any decorations outside. We decorated for our children and it makes them happy, so oh well! To each his own!  

  10. # Blogger Dee Dee

    Although I don't have any (I have many other things I would rather spend my money one), I don't have a problem with them.

    Christmas is for kids (well, and of course, for Jesus let's not forget), and my young kids LOVE seeing them. It doesn't bother me if people have them on their lawns - in fact, I am thankful that someone else spends their hard-earned money to give a little cheer to my kids as we are driving by - better them than me!  

  11. # Blogger Ramona

    I'm totally with you! The first one I saw, I thought was funny. Then they started popping up all over the place!
    During the day when they are deflated it just looks like a giant plastic bag that someone left behind.
    Just terrible.  

  12. # Blogger Geekwif

    Count me in. Those things are just plain ugly. There's one in my neighborhood with a Santa standing on top of a snow globe. Apparently Santa wasn't enough. A snow globe wasn't enough. They had to put the two together into one big horrific monstrosity!

    It's a disgusting phenomenon and I just hope it's nothing more than a fad.  

  13. # Blogger Damselfly

    You're so funny!

    There is a house down the street that has several of them, including a giant board painted to look like Santa's list with the names of like 12 family members on it. My husband has threatened to go paint over the list because he think it's the tackiest thing ever. So he is the grinchiest.

    However, I confess I think the giant inflatable snow globes -- *only* the snow globes -- are actually cute and would be fun if they didn't cost so darn much.  

  14. # Anonymous Anonymous

    You guys are all jealous. You can't afford them so you cut on them. This is all you have to do??? get a job so you can afford one and join in with all the rest of the newest items for the holidays in stead of being bitter about everything. wow! Loosers!  

  15. # Anonymous Eric

    Sounds like most of you don't like Christmas period so the fact you don't like inflatables would not be a surprise. I love to decorate the yard for the Holidays as do most of my neighbors, as for the ones who don't it's your yard don't decorate it. Don't complain about those who do it's their yard. To each their own I say.  

  16. # Anonymous Anonymous

    Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. It seems to me that you are awfully busy criticizing instead of enjoying people's festive nature. Please, just be happy and let people decorated their homes the way they want, without having to justify their decoration choices! And yes, I have one!  

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