According to this book, one of the five keys to raising a daughter is to be a good wife, because in doing so, you're shaping your daughter's future relationships with men. What the authors fail to leave out of this little gem is exactly what it actually means to be a "good wife."

If you asked my husband, he'd say being a good wife means permanently surrendering control of the remote, ordering pizza every night for dinner, and taking out a home equity line of credit to purchase a wall-mounted 52-inch LCD television for our bedroom.

But if you asked me, you'd get a much different response.

A few of the "Five Keys to Raising a Daughter," which I first mentioned here, don't seem all that difficult to put into practice:

"Be her mother not her best friend."

I've seen so many examples in my own life of mothers trying to do exactly this. Young girls need guidance, discipline, and a role model. Mothers who choose not to provide these because they're worried their children "won't like them" get a child who doesn't respect them or their authority in return.

(Not to mention that there's nothing more pathetic than a 40-something woman wearing low-rise jeans and a backless belly shirt to the elementary school to pick up her 4th grader.)

"Be a strong, confident woman."

For all my less-than-stellar personality traits, and believe me, there are many, one thing I've never seemed to lack, at least in my adult years, is self-esteem. I have a pretty keen awareness of my faults and of my talents. I know where I can succeed (sucking down an entire pot of coffee before most people finish a single cup), and I know where I will fail (math. Anything at all that has to do with math). I know what I stand for. Most of the time, I'm able to achieve what I set out to do.

I hope Isabella is able to see these traits in me (and that she can ignore the fact that her mother is stubborn, controlling, and tightly wound). I hope she never doubts her own self-worth, or questions her importance in the world.

But the "be a good wife" key poses some problems. If a girl is supposed to learn what this means from her mother, I'm not sure I ever did.

My own mother is an amazing person. She's a talented artist. She's a perpetual Pollyanna and has the uncanny ability to see the good in every situation, and in every person she meets. She was an incredible mother to my sister and me as we grew up, and she's still an incredible mother today.

That said, she's a three-time divorcee. She's currently on her fourth marriage, to the infamous #4. I have no good memories of a traditional and loving two-parent household. I never learned from her what it takes to make a marriage work (although I learned plenty from her mistakes).

Now, if you asked me if I think I'm a good wife, then of course I'd respond, "Hells, yeah, I am!" We've been married for almost six years, and together for over 10. We laugh together as we do with no one else. We encourage eachother to spend time apart with our friends. And he has a lovely dinner prepared by my great aunt and microwaved by me waiting for him each night when he comes home from work. Now, what more could a man want, I say!

But in all seriousness, I wonder about this. I wonder what Isabella will learn from me about what it takes to be a "good wife" and how she'll apply this if and when she ever decides to marry. I certainly don't think there's a universal set of "good wife" characteristics; each marriage defines these individually. So I'll throw this out there:

What do you think makes a woman a "good wife"? And, if you're married, what do you think your child will learn from your own marriage about what it means to be a "good wife"?

That was a little heavy for what's traditionally a big burger and beer day in the good ole' U.S. of A, so I'll wrap up with this: Even if I never really learned how to be a good wife, despite my insistence that I am a pretty damn amazing one, at least someone out there thinks I rock. Damselfy has bestowed upon me the honor of being a

And I hereby pass this honor onto the following people:

Sasha
Who is knockin' on the door to her 30s and is hoping no one answers.
Michelle
Who could use a hug.
Marie
Who recently went through Herculean efforts to potty-train her son with positive results!
Judy
Who just celebrated her 43rd wedding anniversary.
Ramona
Who just adopted an adorable new puppy.

Isabella wishes all Interrupted Wanderlust's American readers a Happy 4th.


And because she loves Canada (especially Toronto) as much as her mother does, she wishes all the Canadian readers out there (Hi Ramona!) a belated Happy Canada Day!

Check out my shoes, Ramona. They finally fit!