Who Me? Replaceable?

A few weeks ago, we hired a college student to do my job while I'm on maternity leave. Interviewing her was a very strange experience, because I knew exactly what characteristics to look for in my temporary replacement, and exactly which characteristics would not suit my position. I knew the answers I was looking for. And the first girl we brought in was the one we ended up hiring. We didn't even interview anyone else.

The whole process of weeding through the resumes I received, calling people to set up phone screens, and then inviting three in for face-to-face interviews (two of whom I had to contact and cancel when we ended up hiring the first student we talked to. Whoops!) represented another step in this infertility-to-take-home-baby journey I've been on. In just over nine weeks, I'm leaving my job. For 15 whole weeks. To have a baby. It's insane.

And while I'm gone, someone else will sit in my cramped and horribly life-sucking cube. She'll get to listen to the personal voicemail messages my surrounding co-workers inexplicably play on speakerphone. She'll turn on my computer and do my job. And while part of me cares about the quality of the work she turns out in my absence, and whether or not my control-freak tendencies will cause me to blow a gasket when I return and see what she's done while I've been gone (because, of course, no one can possibly do my job as well as I can. I mean, seriously, people), another part of me couldn't care less. And while I've never actually been truly interested in what I do for a living, I've always been passionate about the quality of my work. But this time in my life is different.

The Beastie growing inside me right now, this currently 2.5 pound, 15 some-odd-inch-long being has become the sole focus of my "importance radar." I'm at the crossroads of a life-changing event, which I know will alter not only my perception of what's important and what's not, but also (perhaps) the identity I've developed over the past 30 years. Now, this isn't to say that I'm going to wake up on August 23rd, turn in my N.O.W card, start clipping my husband's toenails for him, and embrace W as my personal savior. But this baby, whom I've fought for and longed for over the past two years, and who is not even born yet has suddenly become the center of my world.

To tell you the truth, I have no idea what to expect. When I return to work (which if all goes as planned will include four days of working at home, and one in the office) I may jump right back in as if I never left. And I might embrace the idea of a break from full-time maternity leave mommyhood. But then again, I might not. All I know is that change is coming. And am I ready? I'm just not sure.

*For those of you who couldn't read the words written on the back of the van in my last post, it says, "Ho's Do It Better In A Van." Ah yes, don't we all.

7 Responses to “Who Me? Replaceable?”

  1. # Blogger Marie

    There goes Rich's fantasy of having you lovingly clip his toenails!! LOL - you are too funny.

    Yep, change is a-coming... One thing's for sure though, you will love like you've never loved before. It might not happen right away, but you will ultimately be swept off your feet by your sweet little babe....  

  2. # Blogger annelynn

    This is just so exciting. It's heartwarming to hear you talk about what is to come. I'm very happy for you - and you're right, your world will take a different shape after the bebe comes!

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us.  

  3. # Blogger Caryl

    I didn't have the luxury to work from home after Sara was born. My family was 400 miles away - talk about feeling stranded on a desert island. But, you will find your parenting style and your beasty will love you for it!

    Enjoy because he/she will be living in a dorm room sooner than you know :-)

    Caryl  

  4. # Blogger Christine

    Yay for you and the baby.

    And I clipped the toenails of a friend in college. Because she had OCD and wouldn't cut them and they were starting to look a bit "Edward Scissor Toes"...it was awful, and weird, and hilarious all in one. And I wore gloves and swabbed her feet in rubbing alcohol like I was performing major surgery...maybe I was meant to be a podiatrist?  

  5. # Blogger Shannon

    I can't believe you didn't hire me! I won't hold it against you, however--the commute would certainly be a drag!  

  6. # Blogger Binulatti

    This is a topic on which I have a lot to say. Fortunately for all your blogger buddies, I will refrain till I can see you in person, and grip you by the shoulders and tell you earnestly, "if you start placing coupon clipping above reading NYTimes OpEd, I will pull your hair and never speak to you again". Capisce?!  

  7. # Blogger Kristi

    Marie-I know. And I can't wait!

    Annelynn-Thanks for reading about my journey. I so hope this blog doesn't becoming boring when I post about my feelings on motherhood. It's not a "mommy blog" but my pregnancy is a big part of what's going on in my life right now. So comments like yours make me really happy. :)

    Caryl-Wow. I can't imagine living so far away from family. I think you raised a pretty great daughter, though.

    Christine-LOL. You are too funny. Feet freak me out. Even my own. So I can't imagine clipping someone's toenails for them.

    Shannon-Move to this godforsaken town, and I'll make sure you get the job!

    Karrie-LOL. Don't worry. Read the 4th paragraph again. I'm still going to be "me."  

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    mother to a daughter
    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

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