Tom Cruise is Not Crazy

Okay, well, actually he is. I mean Scientology? Please. Psychiatry is for sissies and post-partnum depression isn't real? Whatever, Napolean. And as for his daughter, ahem, I mean his fiance Katie Holmes? I'm sorry, but she will always be 16 year-old Joey Potter on Dawson's Creek to me. But, setting all this aside, he's truly not crazy for buying Katie her very own ultrasound machine because I just learned one very scary little nugget of truth. Most women get one, maybe two, ultrasounds if they're lucky DURING THEIR WHOLE PREGNANCY!!

I don't know where I got the idea that I would receive a lovely little glimpse of my bambino at every monthly visit to my OB. Perhaps I had just become so accustomed to hopping up on the table and viewing my uterus and ovaries at my fertility doctor's for almost two years that I assumed I'd be treated to the same picture, but this time enhanced by the presence of a baby at each OB visit. Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. In fact, I've likely already burned through my alloted ultrasound quota because I've already had two: one at 7 weeks at my fertility clinic to make sure that there was, indeed, a baby in there, and one last week at 8 weeks after the spotting scare.

This morning I had my first OB appointment with my OB-GYN doctor whom I haven't seen in a year and a half, since we've been going to the fertility clinic. My visit began with a rousing round of congratulations from everyone in the office-from the check-in receptionist, to the nurse, to my doctor, to the check-out receptionist, to the little old lady sitting next to me in the lab where I went afterward for bloodwork, to the woman taking my blood (ten vials!!!). It felt...strange. It felt as if they were congratulating me for something I haven't yet earned. Something that's not even real to me yet. And after each well-wisher was done, I felt this weird urge to say, "This wasn't easy, you know. This is an IVF baby. I'm not like normal pregnant women" But I didn't.

The appointment itself was fairly routine. We went over family history of disease, the many genetic testing options we have to consider, where I would deliver, etc. My doctor did an exam and pap test, felt my uterus and said it feels just as it should for this stage of pregnancy, and then said she'd see me again in a month.

But wait! What about the ultrasound? Then she lowered the boom. She told me the only ultrasound that's scheduled during pregnancy takes place at 18 weeks. 18 WEEKS!! If I hadn't been seeing a fertility doctor, I wouldn't have seen the confirmation of my pregnancy at 7 weeks. If I hadn't had that spotting scare last week, I wouldn't have seen the baby at 8 weeks. And now I'll have to wait to see the baby again for another 9 weeks? What?

So, I'm having what's called an NT scan somewhere between 11 and 14 weeks. The doctor will perform an ultrasound and count the folds in the baby's neck to check for Down's Syndrome. Yes, I would have wanted this test done anyway because it's not invasive and doesn't have a miscarriage chance along with it as other genetic testing later on in pregnancy does. But I also want this test done so I can see the baby, and hear his/her heartbeat, because it's too soon to hear it on the doppler machine.

In the meantime, we wait on limbo island, accepting congratulations from strangers that for some reason hardly seems deserved, and hoping and praying that everything is going well "in there." I wish I could advance the clock and have this baby deliver a resounding and painful kick to my abdomen. At least that way I'll know that there is, indeed, still a living being inside me.

And to ease my control-freak tendencies, I ordered this:

11 Responses to “Tom Cruise is Not Crazy”

  1. # Anonymous jenny

    That's too bad everyone can't be Tom Cruise and buy an ultrasound machine. You're lucky that you've already gotten to see the baby a couple times though! Bummer that you have to wait so long for another one and weren't expecting that. Soon enough you will be feeling baby kicks and I imagine with every kick you'll feel more reassured that things will be ok. There are so many people (including me) praying for you and the baby and sending hopeful thoughts. Hopefully those can help reassure you as you wait for the next weeks to pass by! I'm stopping over to hear how that machine works when you get it :)  

  2. # Blogger Marie

    You are too cute Kristi!

    It will make a big difference when you can feel the baby moving, having hiccups, etc. It is hard before then!

    I do remember looking forward to hearing the heartbeat every month! and more often toward the end...  

  3. # Blogger D

    You would think that a monthly scan would be standard. How tough is it to squirt the gel on the belly and look around to make sure everything looks OK.  

  4. # Blogger Binulatti

    Glad to hear everything is going well. Don't worry, soon you'll be getting those karate kicks. And really, though you can't see him/her as often as you'd like, think of the big picture (no pun) - your baby is lucky to have you & Rich as parents, as opposed to the unfortunate spawn of Tom "It's just like, 'Huh? Wow, man. Wow'" Cruise and Lil' crazy Katie.  

  5. # Blogger Christine

    Kristi, you deserve every "congratulations!" that you hear. You earned them.

    But I can never, not ever tolerate Tom Cruise as "normal." Holy smokes, not him the king o' crazy. I wonder if he needed to order a special ultrasound machine to pick up on his alien spawn in there?  

  6. # Anonymous thalia

    I'm glad that not everyone gets the personal ultrasound as although I'm sure it would be very comforting, it's not supposed to be that good for the baby!

    I'm very glad that everything is going well.  

  7. # Blogger Kristi

    Jenny-You're the best. Thanks so much for these sweet words. I'll take all the prayers I can get.

    Marie-Hearing the heartbeat will be such a relief, even thought I've already heard it before. And with the doo-hickey I ordered, hopefully I can hear it anytime I want.

    D-I know! It's totally an insurance thing. They don't want to pay for it.

    Karrie-You're right. And TC is a nutjob. Have you heard the phrase "jumping the couch"? It's the new "jumping the shark."

    Christine-LOL. That's hilarious. Yeah, his kid will be alien spawn for sure.

    Thalia-Huh. I didn't know it was bad for the baby. Interesting. I'll have to Google that. :)  

  8. # Blogger Alisha

    Kristi, you are SO funny! The BabyBeat is awesome, too.

    I remember (and we were really testing karma, here) taking a friend to the ER faking "crampy pains" just to have a US performed to make her calm down. Yes, I'm not proud to say, but we really did that.

    I can't wait to hear about every little kick and squirm.  

  9. # Blogger cara

    Kristi, do you have an ultrasound school in your area? These people always need someone to pratice on!  

  10. # Blogger Kristi

    Alisha-I can't say that thought hasn't crossed my mind! Ugh-I am a total control-freak.

    Cara-ohhh... good idea. Never thought of that.  

  11. # Blogger Chas

    It's strange how different docs do things different ways. I've had several ultrasounds, probably ten at least. I don't know if I could go the entire pregnancy with only one scan.  

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