Inoperable

Louie did not have surgery on Friday.

I dropped him off on Friday morning around 7am. At noon, his surgeon called with the results of the MRI.

The cancer that his rabies vaccine gave him is everywhere. It's not only in the mass on his shoulder, it wraps around the scapula bone of his right shoulder. It reaches over to his left scapula. It's around one of his vertebrae.

The surgeon said she could amputate his front right leg, and he would learn to walk with a limp on his left front leg, but because the cancer spreads over to that leg, it would mean a prolonged hospitalization and he would be in a lot of pain. And this would not address the fact that the cancer has spread to his vertebrae, that it's highly aggressive, and that it more than likely would return. Radiation (if I had even wanted to do that) would not have been a viable option, because radiologists do not like to radiate near the lungs.

She would not be able to achieve good margins for surgery. It is the worst case scenario.

Through my tears, I asked what she would do if Louie was hers. She said she would take him home and keep him comfortable until he begins to suffer.

And so a few hours later, once he had recovered from the anesthesia, I picked him up.

He has weeks to a few months left. I plan to love him and cuddle him as much as he'll let me for every day he has left.

My heart is breaking. It has taken me two days to write this post because the news has shattered me. I haven't really been eating. I've been sleeping even less. I haven't run in days. There is nothing I can do to save him.

And now I have to think about how to properly explain what's going on to Isabella, who understands that Louie is sick and who is wondering why mommy is crying all the time. I tried explaining it to her yesterday, and both of us ended up in tears. She wanted to know where Louie was going once I told her we wouldn't be able to see him anymore, and I had no answer for her.

I need to learn to go about life with Louie on my mind constantly. I need to learn to control my emotions. I need to figure out how to drive to preschool, change diapers, dress kids, and make lunch when all I feel like doing in crawling into bed and stroking his soft fur while he sleeps next to me.

And I have absolutely no idea how to do any of this.

I do know this. I will not allow Chubbie or Claudia, Louie's mom and his sister, to be vaccinated anymore. I am pro-vaccine for my kids and I was for my cats. However, I've done a lot of research. Vaccine-associated fibrosarcoma is a lot more common than the 1 in 10,000 cats that's reported. Big pharmaceutical companies are making millions of dollars pushing unnecessarily frequent vaccines. They are manufacturing vaccines that they know cause cancer. And pet owners are not being informed of the risks, which are very real. I've also learned that vaccinations should always be given in the leg, because if VAS occurs, the leg can be amputated. None of this information was given to me via my vet. It does not appear anywhere on the vaccinations' warning labels.

If you have a cat, please, please do some research before his/her next annual check-up. I would not wish what Louie is going through right now on anyone.

Thank you for your comments and your emails. Please continue to keep Louie in your thoughts and prayers.

16 Responses to “Inoperable”

  1. # Blogger annie w.

    Oh, Kristi, my heart is breaking for you. i have 4 cats.. and bring them in for shots yearly. One of my most beloved cats died of a tumor 8 years ago. i wonder now...
    i know you will cherish every moment with Louie... i wish i could make this better for you. i'm so very sorry. xoxoxo  

  2. # Blogger Mom24

    The thing is, you can't make yourself learn any of those things, gradually, with time, you just will do those things because you'll have to.

    Again, I'm so, so sorry. I'll be very curious to discuss this with my vet next summer.

    {{{Hugs}}}  

  3. # Blogger Veronica

    You know you guys are in my thoughts.  

  4. # Blogger Pregnantly Plump

    I'm really sorry. Glad he's not in any pain yet.  

  5. # Blogger Melissa

    I understand completely what you are going through, as we went through the same thing with our first cat. I am so, so very sorry . . .  

  6. # Anonymous Christine

    Kristi I am so very sorry! Gosh, you would think vets wouldn't push vaccinations the way they do. I hope sweet Louie is comfortable, and I hope you know what a good mama you've been to him.  

  7. # Blogger shokufeh

    I'm so sorry, Kristi.  

  8. # Blogger The Queen B

    I'm so sorry Kristi! I can't imagine life without my fuzzy boy!  

  9. # Blogger Cape Cod Kitty

    I'm with you on this and just feel your heartbreak so deeply. I've been there and also watched the same thing happen to my sons beloved cat. I stopped vaccines for my dear one, too. If they are doing this to animals, the thought of what they are allowing to humans is also scary.
    Meanwhile, hugs Louie tightly, and absorb all his sweet unconditional love. It will be a sad learning process for the children, and I am sorry you are having to experience this right now.
    Know you are the best "Mommy" Louie could ever have.  

  10. # Anonymous Anonymous

    My heart broke reading this post Kristi, I am so very sorry.

    Mel (of SimplyMel)  

  11. # Blogger Holly at Tropic of Mom

    I'm sorry about your kitty. You have given him a great life. Thank you for sharing about the dangers of the vaccine; I didn't know.  

  12. # Blogger Hopeful Mother

    I'm just getting caught up here. I'm so sorry about the news about Louie.

    Will be thinking of you and your kitty.  

  13. # Blogger Sunny

    I am so sorry Kristi, omg. :_( I wish there was something I could say... I'll be praying for your sweet kittie and abiding with you during this tough time.

    And meanwhile, I'm wondering if this is the same for dogs?  

  14. # Anonymous Kell

    Oh Kristi I am so sorry. This is a very hard thing. I miss my boy every day. It was awful to watch him fade away. Liam and Joss had a hard time with the concept, and they were about Isabella's age. Then my uncle died a couple months later so there was lots of death talk at our house. This is where church and spirituality are helpful. I know you want to curl up and cry, can you maybe find a sitter that will let you do that?

    My vet actually talked about this with us the last time we vaccinated our cats, we were weighing how much vaccination is necessary given the cats are indoors, and that recent information on immunity suggests a more conservative vax schedule for cats. On the same token we had bats at the old house and I never would have forgiven myself if one of them got rabies because they were unvax. Oh and based on the research my vet showed us, digs are different.

    I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  

  15. # Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog

    Oh Kristi! I'm so sorry... Pets live far too short of lives for the amount of love we have for them. If you want any advice on talking about death to little kids, let me know. I have done the talk many a time. It's quite the ongoing conversation for kids.

    Hugs to you all...  

  16. # Blogger Jamie

    So sorry to hear this. We have four very loved kitties so I can understand how difficult this must be for all of you.

    *hugs*  

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