I Won't Miss You

Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful and supportive comments about Louie. To know that some of you have made difficult decisions in the past for your much-loved animal companions gives me a lot of comfort. To know that you are thinking of me and Louie today helps me even more. I am dropping him off at 7am. He'll have the MRI, and then his surgeon will call me to let me know, based on the size and position of the mass, whether going forward with the surgery is advisable.

Needless to say, today is going to be rough.

I am not sorry to see 2010 end.

This year was better than 2009 in a lot of ways. I am no longer parenting three under 3 (and a few months). This is not to say that parenting twin toddlers and a precocious preschooler is any easier, but I now have three kids that sleep through the night.

This is huge.

In addition to emerging from the twinsanity of sleepless nights, 2010 was the year that I finally started running competitively after 7 years of running purely for fun. I ran six races: four 5Ks and two 10Ks, and ended up grabbing second place in my age division in one 5K and 3rd place in my age division in one 10K. I ran a 23:21 5K, which isn't super-fast, but it's a time I'm really proud of.

Of course, I never did run the September half-marathon I trained for all spring and summer. A double calf-strain sustained in August trashed the months of hard work I put in to getting ready. But with some perspective, I'm now able to see the positive in my training. I ran 10 miles twice. I ran 11.5 miles, my last long run before getting injured. One year ago, I never thought it would be possible for me to run that long. And I did it, and at an 8:36 pace. I know I would have run a 1:50 half-marathon.

On May 1st, I hope to prove that I can.

But 2010 has been tough. I'm now almost 4.5 years into this parenting while working somewhere between part-time, and three-quarters-time, sans childcare, and I still cannot figure it out. I am stressed a lot. I work too late at night, which leaves me cranky and severely lacking in patience the next day. I love my kids but most days, I would give anything for someone to take them out of my house for a few hours every day to give me some peace. I believe I would be a much better mother if I worked a traditional FT job. I am not cut out to be with them all day, every day.

The work-life balance remains elusive. But in September, when Luci and Nicholas head to preschool three mornings a week thankyouJesus, and hopefully, Isabella is able to begin morning Kindergarten (in my district, you can request AM or PM Kindergarten, but are not guaranteed your choice) I hope some semblance of balance will emerge.

Thank you for your support, your kindness, and your readership this year. Your comments bolster me in ways you can't even imagine. It hasn't been a sunshine, rainbows, and puppies kind of year here, but perhaps in 2011, a little light might seep in under the door.

Happy New Year, everyone.

3 Responses to “I Won't Miss You”

  1. # Anonymous Ness at Drovers Run

    OH parts of this post didn't so much resonate with me as they sang like the heavenly choirs and lit up my monitor like a festival in Blackpool. Seriously. Work life balance. Can I also say - you're one up on me - the sleeping through the night thing. My 2.5yr old *still* wakes up without fail every night (bar one or two nights per quarter) and gets out of bed and comes into our room. Without.Fail. On the nights he does sleep through, invariably I end up waking up and rushing through to his room to make sure he's still breathing. But yes, 2011 is hopefully going to bring me that ever elusive international move so that I can finally take my business ideas and really launch the design agency business I've always wanted to have, rather than just doing bits and pieces here and there. I am definitely considering rented office space or at least a home office that is more separate from the house, or at the very least has a door that locks ;)  

  2. # Blogger Mom24

    I am no better at the work/life balance. I realize that's not good news. Sorry. I think it's truly elusive.

    For what it's worth, in our district, if a mother says she needs AM or PM for work reasons, they always get it. Good luck.

    So sorry for the news about Louie. So sad. Truly.  

  3. # Blogger Suzanne

    Okay, I'm working my way backwards reading your blog (while feeding the littlest, washing 4 loads of laundry that I've put off because my 3rd cold this month put me off my schedule, and trying to gulp down a bowl of soup I've let get cold while doing everything else). I had to comment on this: "I believe I would be a much better mother if I worked a traditional FT job. I am not cut out to be with them all day, every day." Bless you, bless you, bless you. You are of only 3 people I've found who readily admit that.

    Okay, back to reading before little man finishes his strawberries and we head off to the shower...  

Post a Comment

Quick Snapshot:

  • 34-year-old writer and
    mother to a daughter
    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

  • 100 Things About Me
  • My Blogger Profile
  • Send Me an E-mail

  • "All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware." -Martin Buber

Inside My Suitcase:

Off the Beaten Path:


    Powered by Blogger

    Design: Lisanne, based on a template by Gecko and Fly