We All Scream For Breastmilk Ice Cream

This blog is in need of some levity.

So, let's talk about breastmilk ice cream!

It seems my friends at PETA (and I do mean friends in the literal and not the John McCain sense, since I'm a PETA girl going waaay back to high school) would like Ben and Jerry's to make their ice cream using breastmilk instead of cow's milk.

No, I'm not kidding.

First, let me leap to PETA's defense for a second. They are an awesome organization who seeks to defend the defenseless in complete legal ways. They aren't burning down vivisection labs or springing minks free from cages, but instead use celebrity exposure and in a lot of cases sensationalism to bring cruelty to animals to light.

That said, they occasionally come up with some wack-a-do ideas. Enter, breastmilk ice cream.

According to this article, PETA wants breastmilk used as a substitute for cow's milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream because it's healthier for consumers and would end the exploitation of dairy cows. I don't believe they seriously want the company to start making breastmilk ice cream, but instead want to raise awareness for the often miserable life dairy cows experience and to inform consumers that it's really no more strange to drink human milk than it is to drink cow's milk, even though the "ick factor" for most people (myself included) is significantly larger.

It's no surprise that Ben and Jerry's rejected the idea.

I'm not a vegan. I'm not even a vegetarian anymore, although I was for four years until my gastroenterologist told me my horrid diet (I was bad vegetarian who ate very few actual vegetables and more than the recommended daily allowance of cheese pizza) was negatively affecting my health. So I quit vegetarianism about 10 years ago and instead I eat only chicken and turkey. I haven't had beef or pork in over 14 years. I do however give mad props to those who don't eat meat. Vegetarian and vegan diets are healthier. Not eating meat is better for the environment. And it's cruelty-free.

But the idea did make me laugh (how would Ben and Jerry's actually obtain the breastmilk? Would they have their own pumping sweatshop where women would gather with their breast pumps for long 12-hour days attached to suction cups?) and it made me think about the life of a dairy cow. It's not a very happy life, despite the cows-grazing-in-the-pasture images you see on tv.

So, let's have a little fun. Name your breastmilk-themed Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor. Will it be "Nuts About Nipples"? Or maybe "Strawberry Jugs Forever?"

This is what a lot of time spent laying on my voluminous arse has done to me, so humor me and play along.

15 Responses to “We All Scream For Breastmilk Ice Cream”

  1. # Anonymous Ness

    How about:

    Bits O' Tits

    Boob in a Tube

    Melon Heaven

    Mammary Jammary

    Third World Flaps (the diet version)

    p.s. if you found these funny, please don't go into labour by laughing too much 'kay?  

  2. # Blogger Andrew

    LOL at Ness. Great ideas!

    But seriously, I'm just worried about all those women, crammed into dirty , smelly cages, with no sunlight or fresh air or room to move, being force-fed poor quality feed and injected with hormones and antibiotics.

    *shudder  

  3. # Anonymous Lis Garrett

    I seriously laughed at your visual of a bunch of women, instead of cows, hooked up to machines and pumping out breastmilk. Think I could get paid for that? I've got the goods, after all . . .

    I'm not clever enough to think up a flavor, but I do like "Mammary Jammary." Ha!  

  4. # Anonymous Lis Garrett

    I know!

    How about "Bosom Buddy" for a flavor?  

  5. # Blogger Mom24

    There's no way I could top Ness. Wow, she's inspired.

    This whole thing just grossed me out, and yes I think breastfeeding is awesome.  

  6. # Blogger My Wombinations

    This comment has been removed by the author.  

  7. # Blogger Sasha

    Yummy Mummy is chocolate with swirls of marshmallow and graham cracker.

    I also like Booby Blend for a special milkshake.

    Malted Mammary is a delicious chocolate malted flavor.

    Tits and Kits is vanilla with bits of Kit-Kat.

    Pumped Lumps is not our most popular flavor, but includes Nerds, Smarties and Gumballs swirled in Vanilla.

    Milked Maid is our perfect, creamy vanilla.

    I will keep thinking...  

  8. # Blogger Pregnantly Plump

    I got the same visual of women with thier boobs hooked up to pumps! I figure they would be treated just as badly as the cows.
    The naming idea is fun, though.
    I can only come up with one, and it's not so great -- Buttery Nipple.  

  9. # Blogger Simply-Mel

    Omiword - you have seriously gifted commenters! Go Ness and Sasha!

    Unfortunately I am going to be a spoil sport and bow out....am knacked and dont feel very creative right now.

    Loved this post - the things you find to write about Kristi!  

  10. # Anonymous Lis Garrett

    Got another one . . .

    "Udderly Delicious"  

  11. # Blogger sara

    Oh my goodness - this was just the laugh that I needed! Craziness I tell you - craziness, lol :-) Hmmmm as far as flavors...

    Treats for your Tasty Buds (eww!)
    Mouthwatering Melon

    Okay I'll stop I think I might gross either myself or you out, lol!  

  12. # Blogger Marie

    OK...

    Colostrum Crunch

    Chunky Mummy

    Phish Boob


    (BLECH!!!)  

  13. # Blogger Shannon

    snort... i'm sorry but that is too funny... now I know farmers that have cows for milk use... they milk them twice a day and the rest of the time (which is 95%) they are in the field doing whatever they want... so there are some good cow farmers... but brestmilk ice cream... I will pass... sorry I think the stuff tastes horrible... barf!!

    But Ness... she rocks with her ideas... ohhh what about peaches and cream... or mama's milkshakes...  

  14. # Blogger Damselfly

    Nuts About Nipples? Strawberry Jugs Forever? Kristi, I'm a pile of laughing mush right now! You have no idea....  

  15. # Anonymous Kris

    OK, so I can't think of things to top the ones already mentioned. So how about the tagline- "Just like mom makes!"  

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