I have had the week from hell. Projects due almost every day. A big newspaper article for Sunday's paper that had major complications. Sick husband. Sick baby. Sick Kristi.
The upside of this is that I have had very little time to think about my bloodtest on Monday. That's not to say it hasn't been on my mind. It has. But compared to the first time around, when I didn't have a needy toddler to care for and myriad clients to satisfy, and I had ample amounts of free time on my hands, I haven't obsessed. Much.
But Tom Petty was right. The waiting is the hardest part. I'm adhering to the dietary restrictions of someone who is pregnant (no caffeine, aspartame, deli meat, etc.). I'm waking up at 6am every morning to get my injections before the hubs leaves for work shortly after. I'm trying to not lift heavy things (my 23-pound kid notwithstanding). I've even laid off the hard drugs.
And yet I have to wonder if it's all for naught. I'm not feeling positive about the outcome. Of course, that's more indicative of my Debbie Downer personality than it is about any hard (or soft) evidence of whether or not I'm pregnant.
I went to BRU on Wednesday to look for alphabet magnets, and I felt illegitimate. It was as if the 18-month-old sitting in the cart seat wasn't even there. I'm avoiding the pregnant bellies in the grocery store and in Isabella's playgroups. I almost considered not watching Lost last night when I realized the entire show was focused on pregnancy. It's as if it's 2005 all over again, and I'm still waiting to become a mom. Old infertility scars never really heal, I guess.
Luckily this weekend I have plenty of things going on to keep me occupied and quasi-distracted. My mom is coming into town again. We have a St. Pat's Day party to go to. And I have work to keep me busy.
Three days to go.
The upside of this is that I have had very little time to think about my bloodtest on Monday. That's not to say it hasn't been on my mind. It has. But compared to the first time around, when I didn't have a needy toddler to care for and myriad clients to satisfy, and I had ample amounts of free time on my hands, I haven't obsessed. Much.
But Tom Petty was right. The waiting is the hardest part. I'm adhering to the dietary restrictions of someone who is pregnant (no caffeine, aspartame, deli meat, etc.). I'm waking up at 6am every morning to get my injections before the hubs leaves for work shortly after. I'm trying to not lift heavy things (my 23-pound kid notwithstanding). I've even laid off the hard drugs.
And yet I have to wonder if it's all for naught. I'm not feeling positive about the outcome. Of course, that's more indicative of my Debbie Downer personality than it is about any hard (or soft) evidence of whether or not I'm pregnant.
I went to BRU on Wednesday to look for alphabet magnets, and I felt illegitimate. It was as if the 18-month-old sitting in the cart seat wasn't even there. I'm avoiding the pregnant bellies in the grocery store and in Isabella's playgroups. I almost considered not watching Lost last night when I realized the entire show was focused on pregnancy. It's as if it's 2005 all over again, and I'm still waiting to become a mom. Old infertility scars never really heal, I guess.
Luckily this weekend I have plenty of things going on to keep me occupied and quasi-distracted. My mom is coming into town again. We have a St. Pat's Day party to go to. And I have work to keep me busy.
Three days to go.
I think this song was written for women in their childbearing years. I listened to it on repeat during the last month of my pregnancy with Sam.
I cannot believe we are just a scant 72 hours from test day. I am pulling for you and getting so nervous. My palms sweat every time I think about it.
I really hope St. Patrick's Day brings more than green beer to you and your family.
I'm sorry this cycle is tearing open old wounds. I hope Monday brings great news!
A rough week, indeed. Good that you're busy! But sorry everyone's sick! Hugs...
I'll be thinking lots of positive thoughts for you this weekend! I always had such a hard time waiting... second guessing every little bodily function and trying to "think positive" without getting hopes up.
Here's hoping the next 72 hours go quickly, and that they bring good news!
It seems that when you trying so hard not to think about something (being pregnant) there are subtle reminders everywhere . . . at the store, in the playgroups, on TV. We're all pulling for you!
I guess there's something good to be said about having too much work on one's plate. I hope your sickness has abated.
Kristi -
I have been utterly remiss in my blog reading - life just gets in the way sometimes. I just yesterday finished catching up on your latest news, and WOW. Holy cats, man. You will be in my thoughts over and over again through these next several days, as you have been since I caught up.
I'm sorry about how rough it's been, but I'm also pretty excited for you. Also? Your daughter is just awesome. Not that you needed confirmation from a relative stranger, but still - can't believe how big and purposeful she's looking! Such a lovely girl.
Best - all the best,
anne
I hope your mom's visit doesn't turn stressful like the last one with all the plan making. Hang in there.
Keeping busy ROCKS when you've got such a big date looming. I wish you many responsibilities and tiny little tasks and distractions this weekend. And well, you know I wish for the one big thing for you as well.
...but you "Won't Back Down." :)