Six Weird Things About Me

I was tagged by Damselfly for this meme, and never one to let pass the opportunity to expose my oddities (and there are many) for all to read, here are the top six weird things about yours truly:

1.) This one is fairly obvious if you've been reading this blog for awhile, but I am an exceptionally picky eater. Most of what I eat is prepared extremely plainly (no spices, dressings, toppings, etc.). When we order subs, sandwiches, wraps, and the like, I have plain turkey or chicken. No lettuce. No tomatoes. No mayo. Sometimes if I'm feeling adventurous, I'll add cheese. Just turkey. Or chicken. And sometimes cheese. Oh, and bread. Or pita. Or tortilla. And I also don't like the food on my plate to touch. Those of you out there who load up your forks with a wee bit o' salad, a wee bit o' mashed potatoes, and a wee bit o' meat all at once? You live on the wild side in my book.

And one final bit of food freakishness. I hate watching people eat on tv. I know, it's bizarre. You know those Oreo commercials where two people race to finish licking the "stuff" from one end of their Oreo? Seeing their tongues skeeves me. And you know that Campbells soup commercial where the guy is walking around his office drinking a can of tomato soup while moaning and when he finally puts it down he has tomato soup all over his face? I think it's nasty.

Oh, and I don't like chocolate either. I know. I scare myself sometimes with that one.

Okay. Moving on.

2.) Bad grammar bugs the hell out of me. Before I go any further, I will say that I am far from a perfect writer. Even though I make my living as a writer, and I used to work as an editor, I will never claim that every sentence I write (especially those I write for this blog) is without error. But, I have an"eagle editor-eye" that is tres annoying to the average person.

I am constantly pointing out to Rich spelling, grammar, or sentence structure errors I see in menus, billboards, newspapers, and on tv. They really, really bug me because I don't understand how these businesses can present such a flawed image to the public. And I don't understand how the errors aren't caught before they're printed and distributed. And those that are "wrong on purpose" are even more baffling. For example, the "I got people" slogan H&R Block is using in all their commericals. Seriously cringe-inducing. This slogan should read "I've got people" or, even better, get rid of the "got" (ugh) altogether, and go with "I have people."

And oh adverbs. Where for art thou? Whether it's the ubiquitous "fresh-brewed coffee" you see just about everywhere or "She's not breathing normal" or "I did real well on the exam," adverbs are MIA.

Adjectives modify nouns, and adverbs modify verbs, adjectives, and other adverbs. It's not that hard. We all learned this in third grade, right?

3.) I cut my fingernails really short. Really, really short. As in, if there's a tiny bit of white showing, I'm off in search of the clippers. So my fingers? They're really attractive, ya'll. (How's that for some awesome grammar?)

4.) I was in a coma for a week when I was five, and when I was ten, I had my entire large intestine removed. So the coma? Apparently I had strep throat and the virus somehow infected my brain. I lapsed into a coma, and doctors told my parents that if I woke up (and they didn't believe I would) I would have severe brain damage. I woke up, but the jury's still out the brain damage diagnosis.

A year later I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, or inflammation of the large intestine. My case was so bad that I underwent a series of four operations at age ten to remove my entire large intestine. And yes! You can live without that massive five-foot-long organ!

5.) I have what equates to a third-grader's knowledge of math. Adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing are about the extent of my skills. My verbal SAT scores? Were twice my analytical scores. Oh, and I'm the one who pays our bills and balances our checkbook. Right.

6.) I don't own a cell phone, and I don't want one. Everyone is telling me to buy one because I'm the one who travels with the bambino most of the time, but I just hate them, and the whole "cell phone culture" that surrounds their use. Now I know none of you fair readers engage in obnoxious cell phone behavior, but like the watching people eat thing, and the grammar thing, grating cell phone behavior is one of my biggest pet-peeves. And the only way I can ensure I'll never be called a hypocrite is to never get one of my own.

So there you have it.

10 Responses to “Six Weird Things About Me”

  1. # Blogger kenju

    Very interesting! 1. My daughter is like this, esp. about food touching. And she eats all of one thing before she starts on another.
    2. Me too!
    4. I'd like to know how it is possible to live without it.
    6. You need one for emergencies, even if you never use it for anything else.  

  2. # Blogger Shannon

    I don't mind foods touching each other on the plate but I certainly can't imagine eating two different foods at once on the fork! I don't even use bread to sop up sauce.

    As for the grammar thing, I'm there with you, sistah! Especially when businesses display bad grammar in advertising. Did you know that, in the advertising world, it all started with, "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should" in 1954? Thousands of letters poured in to the cigarette company when that slogan was first unveiled, complaining that it should be "as" and not "like." If I may quote from Wikipedia:

    During the campaign's long run in the media, many criticized the slogan as grammatically incorrect and that it should say, "Winston tastes good as a cigarette should." Ogden Nash, in The New Yorker, published a poem that ran "Like goes Madison Avenue, like so goes the nation." Walter Cronkite, then hosting The Morning Show, refused to say the line as written, and an announcer was used instead.

    Hurray for Walter! But alas, bad grammar in advertising became the norm thereafter.  

  3. # Blogger sher

    Loved it!!! This made me forget the hideous case of conjunctivitis (pink eye) afflicting me right now! Now, I have tell you, I would have licked Oreos in front of my mom, if she was skeeved out by it. I was such a great kid!  

  4. # Blogger Michelle

    Great responses! I was going to tag you but I saw you were already tagged.
    Spelling errors kill me the most. Like people who mix up their, there, and they're.... or just spell things wrong. Mike's spelling is awful and I'm always spell checking for him  

  5. # Blogger Christine

    Oh the bad grammar in advertising, and in menus, etc...Ack.

    In college a new chinese restaurant opened next door during my senior year, "Yummy Doodles." And they had a sign that informed us, "You are what you eat. Chose to be Yummy." I found it hilarious.  

  6. # Blogger sunShine

    You do need a cell phone for emergencies. The cell phone ettiquette or lack of it gets on my nerves too. Now they have this in the ear thing and it looks like people are walking around talking to themselves, until they turn around and you realize they are just rudely talking on their cell phone.  

  7. # Blogger Marie

    A coma!? I didn't know that. Yikes.

    Even though I'm annoyed by cell phones, I have a Tracfone for emergencies. Frankly, most of the time I use it to call home from the grocery store! I like having it "just in case" though, and I like having it on when I'm away from the little one -- I like knowing that I can be reached.  

  8. # Blogger My Wombinations

    I went back to one of your posts from July... looks like you read the same USA Today article I did on maternity leave in the U.S. Boo to the U.S.  

  9. # Blogger Ramona

    LOL! I made it to about Grade 8 math, so I guess that makes me a better mathematician than you! And, come to think of it, it IS quite disgusting watching people eat on tv.
    And, you might want to read Stephen King's 'Cell', it'll make you feel a whole lot better about not having a cell phone!  

  10. # Blogger Damselfly

    Thanks for doing this meme! You're so funny. And now, thanks to #4, we know you're a miracle, too! And I love #2. I mean, that is, on your list. Although I fear my grammar skills is slipping.  

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