You Put Your Cankle In, You Put Your Cankle Out...

My great Aunt Mary is a perfectly lovely woman. My grandfather's brother's wife, we only see her a few times a year. Sure, she's a bit nosy, asks inappropriate personal questions, ("So, how much is Nancy getting in her divorce settlement?"), and can single-handedly run the Italian version of the Mike Myers "Coffee Talk" SNL skit ("I'm all verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves") with her roommate and sister, Rose. And she once gave me an entire box of broken Christmas tree ornaments as a "gift" when she was moving apartments. Strange. But Aunt Mary is a good egg.

Ever since I was a kid, I identified one particular physical characteristic with dear Aunt Mary. Sure, I've seen them on others...strangers, though. People I didn't know. But Aunt Mary's, I was able to see close up. And even touch, if I wanted to. You see, Aunt Mary has cankles. And yours truly is a mere hair's breath from her very own kickin' set, my friends. And it ain't pretty.

As I've mentioned before, I've had a relatively smooth, symptom-free, uneventful pregnancy. Toilet-hugging nausea? Nope. Not me! The re-emergence of teenage acne? No, siree. Stretch marks in places I never thought were possible? Thankfully, no. But it seems as if the gods have conspired against me to make this last week of my pregnancy an exercise in strange physical phenomena.

Yesterday as I was sitting down at my aunt's house for our usual Sunday dinner, I looked down at my feet and noticed that they resembled two Easter hams stuck on the edge of my legs. They hadn't exactly doubled in size. But they are noticeably bigger. And while I am assured by Rich that they don't yet appear to be cankles, I figure it's only a matter of time before they do. Paranoid, I immediately gave my fingers close examination. They, too, are swollen and resemble stumpy Vienna sausages, although not to the point where I have to remove my wedding rings. Yet, anyway. And I can't quite figure out the timing of this. It's been relatively cool here recently, compared to the scorching 90 degree heat we've had in weeks past. And I haven't gained that much weight either (18 pounds at my last OB visit on Friday). So, what gives?

My What to Expect...book tells me this kind of swelling is normal at the end of pregnancy. Increased blood flow, extra weight, hormone-cakes. It's just so disconcerting to look down at my feet and think, "That's not what they looked like yesterday."

And also, in the last week, my Beastie belly has begun to itch. I'm scratching it constantly, to the point where I'm not even realizing I'm doing it in public, until Rich points it out. It feels like wee little ants are crawling all over it. Again, another "normal" late-pregnancy issue, caused by skin stretching. But God, it's all just so bizarre. My body feels like a gigantic science experiment.

I feel as if I'm 24 hours away from discovering a sixth toe.

11 Responses to “You Put Your Cankle In, You Put Your Cankle Out...”

  1. # Blogger Marie

    LOL! You MUST post a pic when the 6th toe appears!

    This hit me in the hospital -- I think it was an after-effect of the anesthesia. I couldn't put my clogs on to go home from the hospital! I wore hubby's slippers. Yep.

    You do the hooooooookey pokey...  

  2. # Blogger Christine

    Aww...BUT you're mere days away! And then cankles and Vienna sausages no more.  

  3. # Blogger Kross-Eyed Kitty

    ROFLMAO! You are TOO funny! Not too much longer, and you won't be scratching your belly anymore!  

  4. # Blogger sunShine

    My ankles disappeared the latter part of my pregnancy. You will be amazed after you have the baby, the swelling in your hands and feet will go away.

    Can you believe it is almost here??  

  5. # Blogger M

    Ah....the swelling. I've had a few days where my feet swelled up and I looked like Big Foot. These days my fingers are a bit swollen. I took my wedding rings off to clean them yesterday and had to lube my fingers back up with lotion to get them on again!  

  6. # Blogger Hopeful Mother

    If you discover that sixth toe, we want pictures.

    You are only days away from Beastie's arrival!  

  7. # Blogger kenju

    Got any cocoa butter? That is wonderful for the itching - as well as for stretch marks. I had 3 kids and I do not have a stretch mark on my body anywhere, thanks to Mother's Friend lotion, which has cocoa butter in it.
    Now cankles? Mine are bigger than yours are, nyah nyah! LOL  

  8. # Blogger The Princess

    Oh how I remember the cankles! My poor feet got so swollen by the last few weeks that shoes were just out of the question. Due to the complications I had during the delivery, the meds they had me on had to be mixed with Saline Water. It was pathetic. I'll never forget the morning that I woke up and had my ankles and feet back. I had to ask my Mom if I was okay b/c I wasn't used to seeing them so small!!

    Enjoy your last few days of pregnancy...the best is yet to come!  

  9. # Blogger Dawn

    Give it a few more days. Soon, cankles will be the least of your worries.

    Getting a good night's sleep, trying to make sure you don't have poop on your clothes when you go out and trying to get any chores done at home without waking up the baby will soon take over.

    PS...I think you might have my old work email...here is my personal one if you wouldn't mind forwarding the email you mentioned: dawnfrost@excite.com  

  10. # Blogger Kristi

    Marie-Oh I will. Believe me. That's a picture I want to save for all eternity!

    Christine-God, I hope so.

    Ramona-One week to go!

    Sunshine-That's good to hear. I'm ready for the swelling to disappear permanently. And no, I can't believe Beastie is only a week away!

    M-Misery loves company, eh?

    Hopeful-And pictures you shall have!

    Kenju-I will definitely have to get my hands on some cocoa butter. Thanks for the tip!

    Princess-Poor you! At least I know there's light at the end of the swelling tunnel!

    Dawn-LOL. You're right!  

  11. # Blogger sher

    Oh my gosh!! I haven't had my coffee yet and you are making me laugh so much!  

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