I'm the one behind the camera.
I document our children's lives, our cats' geriatric existences, and the occasional dessert I'm able to make for family functions, in between wiping baby barf off my shoulder and checking Facebook while the babies scream.
(Here's the fruit tart I made for this year's Mother's Day brunch:)
Since I'm always the one taking the pictures, there are very few photos of me with my kids, or with the hubs. Usually, this suits me just fine. I have many fantastic qualities, but being photogenic is not one of them, so it's fine with me to be the photographer rather than the subject.
But it's always bugged me that there aren't many photos of me with my children. The hubs isn't one to grab the camera to capture the rare moments when I'm actually sitting or standing still with them and no one is crying or nursing or wearing a food-stained outfit, or when Isabella isn't running away from the camera yet again, refusing to have her photo taken. I have to orchestrate the photo shoot and when I do, the results are usually disastrous.
This perhaps explains why this photo of me with Isabella, Luci, and Nicholas is so disconcerting. Taken on Mother's Day, it is the first photo of me with the three kids. There are some (not good) photos of the hubs and me with the kids-valiant attempts to capture the five of us without someone crying, squinting, squirming, frowning, or slumped over-but none to this point of me alone with the kids.
And in looking at this halfway decent photo of the four of us, it makes quite obvious what I've not really been able to wrap my I-Wanted-Two-Kids-Just-Two-Kids-The-World-Is-Made-For-Two-Kids-And-Two-Parents-No-Really-That's-Not-Twins-On-The-Ultrasound-Is-It? brain around.
I have three kids.
Now, I'm not certifiably insane (at least not in all 50 states) yet. I know I have three kids. I'm wiping their butts and shoveling food into their mouths and washing their clothes and scrubbing their little bodies every single day.
But this picture makes it undeniably true.
And while raising them saps me of my will to live some days, I can't imagine my life without all of them in it.