Clearly, Someone Thinks I Need a Martini

As Damselfly so accurately put it, there are not four seasons in the year, there are five: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, and Catalog Season. Her mailbox, like mine, is now inundated with catalogs for every conceivable consumer good under the sun. I'm an avid recycler (yes, even the cardboard toilet paper roll hits my blue bin), but still, many, many trees had to die so that Land's End could tell me that it's colder than the arctic here in upstate NY in the wintertime.

Here's what the companies bombarding my mailbox think of me:

I need to purchase my child a present for Thanksgiving (doesn't everyone?), because nothing says "We're trying to suck this last remaining holiday of commercialism holdout into the shopping vortex of Christmas" like the gift of a Fisher-Price Mayflower.

I am a mom who will dress my little girl up in a dress, tights, and black patent leather shoes to play ever-so-daintily with her super-fly red kitchen, instead of the mom of a little girl dressed in a t-shirt stained with tomato sauce from lunch and pants so covered in cat hair that I'm unsure of the color.

(Incidentally, I'm, like, totally jealous of this kitchen. How can One Step Ahead make a toy kitchen that's one million times better-looking than my real kitchen?)

I am a woman with not only a great deal of disposable income, but also a great deal of time. In fact, I have so much time that I can make hospital corners with my comforter, light several candles, and enjoy a martini on a breakfast tray before leaving for work in the morning.

My living room is the picture of modern elegance, and sitting under a heat lamp in this leather chair this Christmas will bring me Comfort and Joy. And also, third-degree burns.

I am an adult woman who enjoys furniture and floor coverings designed for a very small child. I also require a martini to enjoy the holidays.

Care to join in the fun? Damselfy is creating a list of the catalog posts here. Come on, you know you want to.

10 Responses to “Clearly, Someone Thinks I Need a Martini”

  1. # Anonymous Melissa Garrett

    Hee hee! I just received that same mag from Second Step, which I didn't bother to open. Like you, I was a little put off by the perfect little girl in the perfect little kitchen. Ah, well. I suppose a kid with syrup-crusted hair and bulging diaper would have a difficult time selling a toy ;-)

    I have to be careful about the mail this time of year as the two olders are like vultures whenever the post comes. They fight over the mags, and then all I hear is, "I want! I want!"  

  2. # Blogger Damselfly

    Hahaha! So funny. Let me know how that martini-on-a-hospital-cornered-bed morning goes.

    And I agree, let's leave Thanksgiving alone and have at least one holiday that's not commercialized.  

  3. # Blogger sunShine

    Great post! I have taken myself off of most of the mailing lists. I still get a few catalogs, but nothing like I did when the babe was first born.  

  4. # Anonymous Shannon

    Ha! Even the Defective Yeti has a catalog post. I think you will like it:  

  5. # Blogger kenju

    You are too funny! I hardly ever get any catalogs anymore, except the "American Girl" one that came last week. YOu'd have a field day with that one!!  

  6. # Blogger Monica

    I love this post! I haven't had any catalogs show up in my mailbox. Yet. I will be sure to follow-up with commentary if some arrive. Thanks for visiting my blog and good luck with working from home.  

  7. # Blogger Andrew

    Oh yeah? Well we just got an offer for a year of Playboy for less than $1 per issue. ;)  

  8. # Blogger Shannon

    I got that One Step Ahead catty... such cute stuff... but tooooo much money lol... most of the catties I get now are from Woman Within, Ulla Popkin, Romans, etc... don't think they heard I had gastric bypass and don't need the fat clothes any more lol...  

  9. # Blogger mrsmogul

    I love catalogs but don't get any right now. Great idea about listing them. I like to see what other people buy!  

  10. # Blogger groovyoldlady

    All I get are LL Bean (You must buy a dog bed and go kayaking!) and JC Penneys - They're having a sale. again.  

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