Never Look a Gift Horse in the Eye

I'm not a fan of message clothing. I no more want "Juicy" emblazoned across my arse, than I do "Droopy" across my boobs. And color me conservative, but I don't want these messages, or any others, on my daughter's clothing either.

My reasons are well-documented here and I won't bore you with rehashing them, but my basic beef with message apparel is that most of it is either a bit too precious, a bit too self-aggrandizing, or a bit (or way) too skanky.
Isabella received some clothing fitting the latter description when she was about a month old. Yesterday she received some of the former from my grandma, who went sale-shopping.
So, just in time for Thanksgiving, allow me to criticize, in a most ungrateful way, the gifts my daughter was just given. And yes, I'm fully aware that the gates of hell are opening as I'm typing this.

I love me too! But my psychiatrist says that supplementing my diet of chicken and cheese with the occasional green leafy vegetable and laying off the booze are better self-affirmation tools than wearing a t-shirt with this message on it.

This one's a little hard to read, given the glitter (shudder), but it says "Girls Are Just Better." I'm not exactly sure what to make of this shirt's message. "Better than" what? Rabid dogs? Wheels of smelly cheese? What? Please tell me. I must know.

This one I'm actually tempted to keep. The looks I would no doubt receive from passers-by after dressing Isabella in this and then plunking her in her stroller or a shopping cart for an hour or two could quite possibly entertain me for hours.

And then there's this, a horizontally-striped, tapered-leg pant. Has grandma no idea what this will do to my daughter's already voluminously padded hips and arse? I will not have my child appearing on What Not To Wear before I do.

Grandma also bought Isabella an Elmo doll. What you see are the flashing red eyeballs of said doll. I'm getting a distinctly Zoltar Speaks vibe from this, and if Isabella comes down the stairs this morning looking like Tom Hanks, Grandma is taking Elmo back to the store, stat.

12 Responses to “Never Look a Gift Horse in the Eye”

  1. # Blogger kenju

    I agree with all your opinions on this and I wish my daughter-in-law did as well. One of my granddaughters has fairly good taste (in spite of her mother) but the younger one often looks as though she is on her way to a costume party, and it is not Halloween! Her shirts all have stupid sayings on them, but to be fair, none of them is what I would call skanky (thank God).

    If I were you, I would only put those shirts on Isabella on those days when the laundry has not been done and you are down to nothing else to wear. LOL  

  2. # Blogger Editorgirl

    Hey there - I'm with you on the message T's. But man those Elmo eyes, that's the stuff horror movies are made of. I may need to sleep with the lights on tonight. Hope you're doing well.  

  3. # Blogger Marie

    OH MY!!!!

    Just wait til Christmas...  

  4. # Blogger Beagle

    Thanks for that! You made me smile!

    I like this line best: "Better than" what? Wheels of smelly cheese? What?

    And this: I will not have my child appearing on What Not To Wear before I do.

    I also aspire to save my (future) child from the fashion sins of my own childhood. I actually had polyester elastic waist pants with a faux denim printed on them and big freak'in strawberries randonly strewn around. I was five. It haunts me still. Oh and don't get me started on the brightly colored polyester "matching" halter tops and shorts sets. O. M. G. !!!  

  5. # Blogger Tracey

    I agree on the skanky stuff. But I truly like the cute sayings on the shirts. I don't, however, find any humor in making fun of other people on them. As in, the girl power, boys suck or vice versa messages. Hate those.  

  6. # Blogger l

    Elmo needs to be treated for poltergeist.  

  7. # Anonymous sher

    I know what to do with those shirts. Squirrel rehabbers use old T-shirts to line the nest boxes for the orphaned baby squirrels. Find one and donate them. Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside???  

  8. # Anonymous a writer's woolgatherings

    I'm not too fond of printed messages on tees either, although I get a kick out of those that say, "my brother did it," or, "blame my brother." I would never BUY one though. I don't exactly want to send that sort of message to my son (even if it's true half the time!)  

  9. # Blogger Laura McIntyre

    LOL I think the tops are kinda cute, i never mind putting them on my girls (actually both have them on today, but thats because im looking for something that did't need ironed as its a lazy day, one says Future Supermodel and the other My heart belongs to daddy)
    Im not keen on the pants though  

  10. # Blogger Shannon

    SNORT... omg I am laughing sooo much...  

  11. # Blogger Damselfly

    "I no more want "Juicy" emblazoned across my arse, than I do "Droopy" across my boobs." Hahaha! So true for me too.

    And that is one of my favorite movies ever.  

  12. # Blogger Sugar and Ice

    So...this post is about a year old, but since you linked to it and I wasn't around here last year to comment...I'm commenting now.

    I HATE shirts like these, lol. I was behind a lady at BRU not long ago that was trying to return a shirt she'd gotten as a baby shower gift. The shirt said "Drama Queen". They were telling her that without a gift receipt she'd have to get the exact same shirt, but she could get a different size if she needed it. She was trying to explain to them that she was not going to have her newborn wearing a Drama Queen shirt. She ended up just walking out frustrated. I couldn't blame her...who wants something like that??  

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