The Ties That Bind...End Up Strangling You In the End

Do you know why I love to blog?

It's because you, my faithful and fabulous readers, have some of the best advice on the planet. Blogging is my therapy these days. When I'm averaging 5.5 or 6 hours of sleep at night (because I work until midnight and then try to get up by 6am at the latest to beat my kids awake and work before they get up), while trying to maintain my sanity amid holiday craziness, I know I can post something here and someone out there will get it. And honestly, sometimes you are the only ones who get it. There are several of you whom I believe I was separated from at birth.

(I just read my middle sentence in the paragraph above, and no, I don't actually beat my kids awake. Why the hell would I do that? Beating them to sleep, though, I'm totally on-board with).

Anyway, where was I going with this post?

Oh, right. Your advice on my last post.

I would love it if we could draw names to make gift-giving in my family less of a money-and-time-sucking affair. Unfortunately, most everyone in my family wants to buy for the core, elder members (those being my grandma and my great aunt and uncle). And honestly, I want to buy for them too. They do a lot for me and my kids, and have been more like parents to me than grandma and aunt and uncle. I can't imagine NOT buying for them.

I also buy for my kids, and I think at least the older one might have an issue with Santa not showing up this year. The other two wouldn't know the difference. Then there's the hubs. I think he deserves a gift, or I do most days anyway.

My sister, my mom, and my dad are people I definitely need to buy gifts for. I also have two half-sisters from my dad's second marriage, and I buy for them as well. And my mother's 4th husband. Then there are my two aunts, who buy gifts for me and for my kids, so I would feel funny not buying for them, and I know at least one of them would be miffed if I didn't buy for her. Oh, and my great uncle's birthday is several days before Christmas, so we buy him a gift for that too.

Fortunately, we don't exchange gifts with the hubs' family. Both his father and mother decided long ago that they only wanted to buy for the grandkids and not for their two sons (or their wives), and frankly, that's fine with me, because that's four less people we now have to buy for (they are divorced and remarried/re-partnered). We also don't exchange with the hubs' brother.
That means I must buy Christmas gifts (plus one birthday gift) for 15 people.

15.People.

I think I may use Stacey's idea for next year: gift cards. Simple. Easy. And everyone can buy exactly what they want/need.

Many of you suggested helping others, and that is exactly what I want to do. I do this in some capacity every year anyway (whether I'm donating food for a basket sponsored by my church or picking a toy for a poor child off an angel tree), but it would give me a lot of joy to be able to spend more on them, and less on agonizing over gifts for people who, frankly, don't really need them (and I'm including myself in this). I have spent so much time in the last 2 weeks trying to drum up wishlists for myself, Isabella, the twins, and the hubs for everyone who wants to buy for them and is bugging me for IDEAS! NOW! that I have completely lost sight of what this holiday is all about.

And THAT is what I want to get back to. I love my family dearly. They drive me insane on an almost daily basis, and I know I bitch about them on this blog, but they do rock.

However, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. It is about love and giving back, and togetherness, and quiet, silent nights (or something like that, anyway).

It is not about crafting an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of gifts for 47,866 people. It is not about spending vast quantities of time online and in line trying to buy gifts for people who truly do no need one single thing.

And it is not about throwing a shit hemorrhage because your children will not stop whining, crying, or crawling away during the Christmas card photo shoot, which is exactly what I ended up doing just before calling it quits and deciding to use the professional photos we had taken in September for the card. I love Debbie's idea: to fade my Thanksgiving disaster photos, attach them to cardstock, and add a funny comment. My friends would LOVE a card like this. I would love a card like this. One of my favorite Christmas photo cards ever is one of Chas' three girls all crying. And image like that would sum up my Triple Threat nicely. My family, though, conservative old-school Italians that they are, would not love this. They would really, really not love it.

But next year, I'm doing it. I am going to be easier on myself. I am going to take shortcuts and not feel guilty about them. I am going to try and enjoy this time of year, even though I know that's easier said than done.

Just promise me you'll still read here when I'm writing this exact post again in December 2010.



Luci loves the Christmas card photo shoot!

Can't we just put my face on the card? I mean, seriously, what's not to love here?

The best one of all three. And no, I'm not kidding.

111 Responses to “The Ties That Bind...End Up Strangling You In the End”

  1. # Blogger In Due Time

    Would it be easier to get a picture of each of them separately? Walgreens.com and SamsClub.com both have several cards that you can insert more than one picture.

    ...just another idea. :-)  

  2. # Blogger Mom24

    This will be Nicholas' favorite card. :-) He looks adorable. Luci looks pretty good too, and Isabella looks like any other 3 year old that is tired of it already.

    I hope next year you can let go a little. You're right, striving for perfection to the point it drives you crazy is not fair, or smart. I hope you do go the gift card route, it's easy, you can make it personal, and almost everyone loves them.

    15??? that's seriously a LOT of people to buy for!  

  3. # Blogger Nonnie

    I have to admit that when I read your previous post, I was expecting that you buy for maybe thirty people. Hearing that you buy for 15 makes it all seem a little less crazy to me. Maybe next year, you can still manage to buy for all 15 but somehow find a way to just relax about it all. One of my very best friends buys for a huge number of people, and she really does seem to truly enjoy getting out and choosing the right thing for each person.

    These Christmas card shoots with a toddler and twins...they are SUCH a pain! If only I had had the foresight to take our picture a few months ago when my twins couldn't just stand up and run away. I was really on edge after this year's photo shoot.  

  4. # Blogger shokufeh

    I love those shots. Thanks for the morning laugh. I laugh with you, not at you, because who wouldn't laugh at a middle finger and a cheerio tooth?
    Given who the bulk of your gifts are for, photos seem like the perfect gift. Too bad the subjects don't seem to want to cooperate. ;) Next year!  

  5. # Blogger Debbie

    OK, I just added up all the people I buy presents for, and also 15. I've never counted before! I think because it's down from a possible 20 I find it easier. Also almost half are children under the age of 10.

    Separate picture is a great idea!

    And little Nicholas is so adorable with that smile.  

  6. # Blogger Sunny

    One of my favorite Christmas cards last year was one that a friend sent -- her son on Santa's lap, absolutely screaming his head off. She included some funny caption that I can't remember. But it made me smile every time I looked at it. :) I agree with other people who suggest getting three separate pictures and putting them on one card. That's probably the route I will go next year. We ordered from www.shutterfly.com and they had tons of multiple-pic options!

    I totally get that your family won't appreciate you deviating from traditional photos, traditional gifts, etc. But if it's really zapping the fun out of it for you, I really hope you set some boundaries that you are comfortable with.

    I've felt a bit of stress over gift buying this year -- we have 11 people on our list, plus a few little gifts for gift exchanges and such. I have just done my best not to accept any pressure. I used to really strain to find the PERFECT gift for each person, something creative and less common. But that just stops being practical -- even if it's sad to think that way. If I can come up with something inspired, great. If not, gift card! Also, I shopped a lot online this year, because dragging even ONE kiddo along for the shopping drains any amount of pleasure from it.

    Good luck!!  

  7. # Blogger Cape Cod Kitty

    Perfection would be no fun....these photos are great!
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  8. # Blogger Melissa

    I buy for my family - Ian and the kids, plus his parents and aunt who are in town. If Ian's sister an her family have trekked from Ireland, we buy small gifts for them, too. Other than that, no one else in my extended family gets a gift (but we're not close).

    I can't believe how many people you have to buy for. That's insane (to me), but I certainly understand your reasons for doing so. Just so long as you WANT to buy and don't feel OBLIGATED to buy.

    My mother's birthday is January 8th, so I kinda wrap her present into one holiday. I'm a cheater, I know. ;-)

    Gift cards - now there's a brilliant idea. I give gift cards for the bookstore to the kids' teachers.  

  9. # Blogger Pregnantly Plump

    Our best photo this year has both boys leaning back. We decided to wish everyone a laid back Christmas. My parents, the most likely to voice disapproval, loved it. Maybe your family might surprise you? Of course, we haven't given one to my grandmother yet. She might not approve.  

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  • 34-year-old writer and
    mother to a daughter
    born in August 2006 following
    IVF and girl/boy twins born in October 2008 following FET. Come along as I document the search for my lost intellect. It's a bumpy ride. Consider yourself warned.

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